Christmas Lights

Before it gets too far away from Christmas, I want to go over a few things. I wanted to get this out before Christmas, but things don't always work out as planned. So, without further ado, here is my rant on Christmas Lights. "Yeah-Boo" style.

Like all humans, I prefer symmetry. Whether you know it or not, you are more attracted to symmetrical people than non-symmetrical hideous ogres. It's just more visually appealing. (I don't know the psychology behind that...it's not like I majored in psychology or anything.) Anyway, for me, Christmas lights are the same thing. Heart does not matter to me. You have to put a reasonable amount of effort into it, and simply put, it just has to look good. One string across the top doesn't cut it anymore. This is America...the fattest nation in the world. Go big or go home. So to please my fans, I became an extreme voyeur and went around taking pictures of people's houses - good and bad. Thankfully no one called the police on me.

This might be the lamest one I saw. One string of white lights across the roof top. It's even drooping in some spots. Come on people. This one gets a big fat BOOOO!

This one is not quite as bad because it has some color, but again, one single strand of blue lights. I couldn't get a picture of it, but the single strand also stops part way around the side of the house facing the street. Classy. The weirdest part was that these lights were a strange deep blue. Not festive at all. If anything, they were eerie. This one gets a slightly less enthusiastic BOOO!

Now look at this one. It has a great mix of color, shapes, sizes, and overall it is pretty symmetrical. All the little trees are draped in lights. We have blue and white with a hint of red. Even a little bow at the point of the roof. This one gets a resounding YEAH!

To crush the momentum we were gaining, may I present to you this masterpiece. (Is the sarcasm coming through loud enough?) This person has a good mix of color, but as you can see, decided that, instead of continuing around the side of the house, they would double up the strand for half of the front of the house, until the string of lights ran out. To me, this says, "There the house is decorated, now can I watch my stories." *said with a hick accent* This one, too, gets a lame-ass BOO!

To put us back on track, we have this simple, yet elegant number. Both floors of the house have an even amount of ice sickles on them, and the garage has its own lights as well. Both sides of the walk way are lined with candy canes, and a lovely snowman and Christmas trees greet you as you walk into the house. Although they are all on one side, it is the actual center of the house because the porch itself off-center. I would have liked to see something around the windows, but now they have some room for improvement for next year. This one gets an average YEAH.

Now you might think that this next one will get a whole-hearted YEAH, but that is most definitely not the case. It's true that there is a nice blend of colors, but it looks very sloppy. Look at the pillar. The lights are strung up the pillar at different angles. The blue lights in the planter look like they were dropped there on accident. And the single strand of big glass lights along the roof line droop in a non-uniform way. I will say that they tried to "go all out," if you will, they just needed to be a little more precise with their execution. This one gets somewhat muted Boo.

And finally, last and least, my pick for laziest decorator this holiday season. Look at this mess. One string of red lights, on random parts of the roof. I know it is hard to tell, but there is nothing obstructing the view here. Where the lights stop, the lights actually stop. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Where ever the string of lights happened to end, that was okay for this person. My favorite part is the two inches of lights on the tree in the bottom right corner. I think it's a nice touch. This one gets my biggest, laziest BOOOOO!

Christmas for the OCDer

I love Christmas. I love buying presents for other people, and because I pay such close attention to everything, I feel as though I can really pick out the perfect present for someone. Getting presents, however, is not as easy for me. Since I'm so specific about my likes and dislikes, my family and friends have a difficult time finding "the perfect gift" for me - aside from the things I specifically ask for. But in recent years my family and friends have really keyed into my unique personality and found the perfect gifts.

Last Christmas my brother continued my Dyson obsession with the purchase of the Dyson Handheld DC 16 Root 6 (which I believe has now been discontinued/improved upon). I couldn't have asked for a better present. It's high quality, easy to use, and super convenient. It's perfect.

This year, stumped as always I'm sure, the gang pulled through again. A present that I'm sure most people gave out at their office White Elephant Gift Exchange, thrilled me beyond belief. This Christmas I received an amazing Violight Toothbrush Sanitizer! (If you are not aware of my toothbrush obsession you can read about it here). It is probably the perfect gift for me. I already keep my toothbrush in a protective case, and this way, I can blow-off the ADA's recommendation of not putting your toothbrush in an enclosed space, without guilt.

In addition to my toothbrush obsession, my cleaning obsession got a boost this season as well, with the addition of the Shark Handheld Steam Cleaner. Perfect for cleaning AND disinfecting! One of the things I am most excited to use it for, is steam cleaning the wrinkles out of my clothes. As OCD as I am, I absolutely hate ironing. The Shark will be a great addition to the cleaning arsenal.

Finally, as if a little birdie (or this blog post) told her that I hate to have a dirty car, my mother picked out the life saving California Car Duster. It's essentially just a long mop on a stick, but I will change my world completely. If I can dust my car before the morning dew hits (nature's annoying condensation) the water marks on my car won't be as dirty or visible, saving me a lot of hassle in the mornings. Instead of having to dry off the car in the morning, I can just dust mop it when it dries and save myself some of the headache.

This year I was essentially given the gift of peace of mind a few times over..the best present an OCDer could ask for. Word to the wise, this blog is probably your best bet for finding me the perfect present.

The Time Clock

As mentioned before, I am a wage worker. From 8:00am to 4:30pm I am a prisoner to the time clock. For those of you with a salary, or some other easier way to clock in and out, this is what my boss looks like...

The time clock works in quarters and each employee is given a seven minute window to clock in and start their eight hour day. In the eyes of the clock, anyone that arrives at work anytime between 8:00am and 9:00am is considered "clocked in" at either 8:00am, 8:15am, 8:30am, 8:45am, or 9:00am. For example, if I come into work anytime from 7:53am-8:07am I am considered clocked in at 8:00am and can leave anytime from 4:23pm-4:37pm and it is considered 4:30pm. Or, if I come into work anytime from 8:08am-8:22am I am considered clocked in at 8:15am and can leave anytime from 4:38pm-4:52pm, and it is considered 4:45pm. I hope that is not as confusing as I think it is, but hopefully by the end it will make sense.

Because the clock works the way it does, anyone with any common sense would try to arrive and clock in at 8:07am, and leave at 4:23pm. In the eyes of the clock, you have arrived at 8:00am and have left at 4:30pm. This way, you will get paid for 8 hours (with a half hour unpaid lunch in there somewhere) and you are only "working" for 7 hours and 46 minutes. Because of the seven minute window, the clock can essentially pay you for approximately 25% of your hourly wage that you weren't working for.

That being said, enter my OCD personality. I like to clock in at an exact time (like 8:00am), clock out for lunch exactly four hours later (12:00pm), clock back in from lunch exactly thirty minutes later than that (12:30pm), and leave four hours after that (4:30pm). Honest and stupid. That's my philosophy.

The weird part about the whole thing is that I will keep this staunch time schedule regardless of what time I arrive. If I happen to get to the time clock at 7:53am, I'm not going to wait seven minutes to clock in at 8:00am because I am not patient or dumb enough for that (I will get paid the same amount anyway). Instead I will take lunch at 11:53am, clock back in at 12:23pm, and leave for the day at 4:23pm. It sounds exhausting but it's second nature at this point. If you are wondering how I get to the clock on time, every time, I have my wrist watch synchronized to the time clock and I set my phone alarm to go off one minute prior to the time I have to clock in. This way I can make my way over to the clock and wait a few second for the time to be exact.

Creating a Monster, Part 2

I know I have touched on it before, but for those of you who are not aware, oral hygiene is big in my book (as seen here and here). For that reason, I hold the oral hygiene of others to a higher standard as well. Unfortunately, I learned at an early age that oral hygiene is not as important to others as it is to me. (I trace this one back to second grade for those of you who are keeping track of when I became how I am).

In second grade (I was what, seven or eight?) I went to talk to my teacher before recess. She was a sweet lady, and I really have nothing bad to say about her, or at least nothing worse than what I am about to say. Despite her best efforts to be perfect, she had undeniably terrible breath. Not like morning breath. Not like onion breath. Way worse. I don't know if it was a medical problem or a McShit sandwich for breakfast, but even second grade me realized what it was and hated it.

The problem with this situation is that I wanted to like her - nay - I liked her and I didn't want to hate her, so I had to improvise a way to talk to her without passing out from the stench. Smart as can be, second grade me came up with the method that present day me uses to talk to everyone, regardless of whether or not their breath stinks. Anytime I am in close proximity with anyone (family, friend, or stranger) and I have a chance of smelling their breath, I breathe through a tiny crack in my lips to avoid the risk of smelling their breath, and unwittingly judging them. I don't like to make it obvious and I don't want to look like a mouth-breathing idiot, so I make the crack in my lips as small as possible. In addition, if I have my mouth open wider than it has to be, I run a risk that a drop of their spit goes into my mouth...I have had a bad experience with that before.

I know not everyone has bad breath, but I continue to mouth-breathe around others for a couple of reasons. First of all, I like to like people. I don't want to be disgusted by their breath. If I can't smell it, I can't be grossed out by it, and then I can base my opinion of someone on the whole being and not just their breath. Secondly, I work at a hospital and my job puts me around people who have never seen a toothbrush in their life (sadly, a lot of them are staff). When talking to anyone at work I would be willing to bet my life savings that their breath smells worse than the diaper bin in a nursery. Rather than risk the situation, I just assume the worst, and breathe through the little crack in my lips. Cynical? Yes. Rude? Maybe. Wrong? No.

Update

To my faithful followers,

It is hard for me to post as regularly as I would like to, because, while I have a lot of OCD tendencies, not all of them can be spun into a witty blog gem. My team of writers and I are working tirelessly to come up with more ways to be able to post on a more regular basis.

Thank you. That is all.

Tubs of Butter

As far back as I can remember I have had this obsession with my butter, or rather my butter substitute. I don't particularly care for the taste of real butter, but I have become quite fond of butter substitutes, particularly Brummel and Brown. One of the things I like about the stand-ins is that they come in a neat little container. No messy stick to melt all over a butter dish and smear all over the place...but that's not my obsession. I just wanted to set the stage and explain my reasoning for liking my spreads in a neat little Tupperware-like tub.

My obsession stems from my desire to keep things neat and uniform. When I knife my fake butter out of my dish, I like to sweep the knife across the top of the spread to keep the top as smooth as possible. This way, one thin layer at a time is removed from the top, and the spread is always flat, smooth, and still appetizing, like it is new and has never even been used.

What irks me to no end is when this beautiful, smooth, uniform mold is desecrated and hacked to bits by some uncaring, unaware being, who has no respect for the brilliance of a systematic butter scraping technique. They plunge their knife into the container willy nilly, gouging the butter mold into a hacked-up, crater-filled mess, like this...

I know this is extreme, and because I am so particular about things like this, I tend to keep two of things like this in the house...one for me and one for anyone else who wants to use it. This way I can keep my OCD quirks and not impose them on others, and others can hack their butter to hell.

Ketchup Bottles

Remember the old school ketchup bottles that used to be in every restaurant (and are still in some)? They're the ones that can be hard to get the ketchup out of, if you don't know exactly how to tilt the bottle. The ones that occasionally let nasty ketchup water out on your burger and fries. The ones that give a great smacking sound when you hit the bottom. I miss those ketchup bottles. Those ones are the best ones. Classic and unmistakable.

Remember when America got lazy and decided it was too much work to shake the bottle to eliminate the water on the top and then get the ketchup out? I don't know exactly when it happened (a few years back?) but most major ketchup brands switched to the lazy upside-down bottle, like this one...

The benefit of the new bottle is supposed to be easy squeezing and no ketchup water. Since the cap is actually on the bottom, the water floats to the top, away from the cap, which means no red water on your fries. Or at least that is the idea. Back in my day we just shook the bottle, and got great ketchup every time. But whatever, that's not the point. I am all for ease and simplicity. If something can be made easier, go for it. The thing I hate is that every time I see this type of bottle, it's not being used the way it was designed to be used, and as a result, all benefit it supposedly has, is eliminated. Every time I see those bottles, they are like this...

We are such creatures of habit that we place the top facing upwards because that is what seems right. Then, we get ketchup water when we go to use it. (I say we, meaning the human race, but I do not do this). If I wanted ketchup water, I would just go back to the old bottles and then I would know that the bottle needed to be shaken before I used it. It seriously irritates me to see this in restaurants and refrigerators. Would you put a jar of mayo upside-down after you're finished with it? Look, the cap is made wide enough to balance the bottle and the logo is made to be right-side-up when the cap is on the bottom, it really isn't that complicated. Just flip it over and we can all be happy.

Washing My Car

I hate having my car washed. Not because I don't like to have a clean car (believe me, nothing makes me happier). Not because the car wash does a bad job. As in everything I hate, I hate having my car washed because it creates a good 1-2 weeks of stress for me.

First of all, after I get the car washed, I can't roll the windows down for the rest of the day. If the windows get rolled down, the window streaks, and the car wash is wasted. Have you ever gotten in a sealed car on a ninety degree summer day? Let me tell you it's hot and the air conditioning does not cool down all that quickly. On the way home from the car wash (and for about a week to follow) I drive very cautiously and carefully, because I don't want water from the gutter to get splashed behind my tires and onto my freshly cleaned car.

That is just the beginning. Obviously we don't live in a bubble. Wind blows, and cars drive by, both of which sprinkle dirt and dust all over my car. If it's the time of year when it's really dry, I will occasionally dust my car with a dry rag to keep the dirt off. If I keep the dirt off, then the moisture and the dew from the night just drips down and evaporates, and leaves my car virtually unscathed by the elements. If I don't keep the dirt off, then the morning dew mixes with the dust on the car and creates a filthy mess.

As if there needs to be more, I keep an old bath towel in the trunk so I can wipe off the morning dew and keep it from streaking over car and the windows. It doesn't have to be perfect, just to get a bulk of the moisture off so the rest can evaporate, and keep the car clean. I also keep a squeegee in my trunk to get the windows crisp and clear. Anytime I dry my car I squeegee it too. And finally, if I have the time and it needs to be done, I'll get the Windex and clean the windows the old fashion way.

So for me, cleaning my car is a 2 week process that requires a lot of extra time and energy, so much so that it's almost not worth it.

Creating a Monster, Part 1

I'm pretty sure I have been the way I am since I was a baby, but there have been things along the way that have shaped me, and enhanced my OCD personality.

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Back in seventh grade, I was walking from my classroom to the boys bathroom during a recess. While in the process of making my way to the bathroom, I walked through a circle of boys in my class talking to each other. Apparently one of my classmates was really excited about the story he was telling, because in the process of cutting through the circle, I caught an errant drop of spit in my mouth like a catcher spearing a fastball. Now this alone is disgusting, but what really sends shivers down my spine is that I could taste the Sour Cream and Onion Lays Potato Chips the person was eating during break. In any other situation, I would have gladly eaten a sour cream and onion chip, but having it birdied into my mouth, against my will, makes me nauseous to this day. Needless to say, I ran into the bathroom and spit and spit and spit, and rinsed out my mouth with water, and gargled and spit some more. Totally revolting.

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To make matters worse, in that moment seventh grade me flashed back to fifth grade me and the day I spent at this person's house. I was new at school and he invited me over for a Saturday afternoon of fun. Having no friends, I obviously accepted his invitation, only to regret it later. While at his house, we were jumping on a trampoline in his room and I jumped off and fell to the ground. At that moment my face was inches away from his skidmarked briefs, and I was mortified to no end. I immediately jumped up and pretended like it didn't happen. There would be no more trampoline jumping at this house.

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Anyway, when I caught his sour cream and onion spit in my mouth, I flashed back to Skidmark Saturday and was overcome with disgust. It is obvious that if wiping one's butt is not a priority, then brushing one's teeth is probably not high up there either. This is all I could think about as I rinsed my mouth out in the boy's bathroom.

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I don't think this situation changed me from a slob to an obsessive compulsive machine, but it definitely solidified the importance of cleanliness, and now I hold hygiene of all types is extremely high regard.

My DVR

The invention of the Digital Video Recorder (or DVR) rocked my world. I love to watch Television, but I also love to go to bed early (10pm at the latest). From time to time, these two passions interfere with one another, and the planner in me opts for the early bedtime. At this point, the DVR swoops in to save the day. Although the DVR has made it quicker and easier to watch TV, it has also brought with it increased anxiety. Let me explain...
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The DVR added one more thing in my life that I had to organize and manage on a regular basis. I set all the TV shows I want to record even if I know I will be home to watch it. This way, if I am out, I don't have to scramble home just for a TV show. This is rarely a problem as my increased agoraphobia (also undiagnosed) as well as my enjoyment of a good night sleep, has made me a bit of a homebody. Nonetheless, I record everything I am watching, or plan on watching in the future. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

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If I am home watching the show, and I don't need it to be recording for any reason, I have to stop the recording and delete off my DVR list as soon as possible. For some reason, I can't stand to have the show recording if I am watching it live. For me, the "My Recordings" list is like my room, everything has its place and there is no room for clutter. Clutter, in DVR terms, is anything I have already watched.

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Due to the fact that I hate to have excess recordings on my list, I also have the system group similar recording so that anything with the same title is organized into a folder. This is also a rare occasion as too many items in a folder makes me anxious and I have to delete some of them.

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The DVR is set up to list recordings in Alpha/Numeric order. In any other situation this would be great as alphabetical order is generally a nice, clear-cut way to organize things. But I like my DVR list to put things in chronological order so I can start at the bottom (oldest recording) and work my way up to the top (most recent). This way I can easily watch the oldest recording before a new episode airs.

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Technology makes things so much easier but so much more complicated too.

My Toothbrush

I don't really consider myself to be a germaphobe. I wont run away when you sneeze. I will shake hands with a stranger. I'll even eat a Cheeto off the floor. There are, however, certain things that I just can't get over, and it is because of these things, that I often get accused of being one. My toothbrush, for example, is one of the things I am pretty particular about.

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To me, the toothbrush is a sacred instrument. Without it we would be unable to clean our mouths, prevent tooth decay, or (God forbid) scrub our tongues. Because I consider my toothbrush to be such a prized possession, I take care of it accordingly. My toothbrush is safely nestled away in my bathroom medicine cabinet, locked away in travel case, safe from harm and awaiting my two (sometimes three) glorious visits a day.

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Now most people have their toothbrush sitting right next to their sink, in a ready to use position, next to someone else's toothbrush, in a convenient holder. But what those people fail to realize, is that their toothbrush is in serious danger. What else happens in the bathroom? Peeing, of course, but that's not the issue (unless your toothbrush is in the splash zone). The issue is the other bodily function that everyone has to do. Think about this...if your toothbrush is exposed in the bathroom, and you use the bathroom for anything besides teeth brushing and primping, it HAS to have poo particles on it. Then, you come in at night to brush your teeth, and repeatedly mash those poo particles into your teeth, gums, and tongue in an effort to make your mouth cleaner. Does that make sense to you? 'Cause it doesn't make sense to me. I think you get the idea with this one.

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Besides your significant other, the thought of using someone else's toothbrush is repulsive. I would rather use the toothpaste-on-the-finger trick than use someone else's toothbrush. Hell, I would rather Neanderthal it and chew on a stick than use someone else's toothbrush. Anyway, it is that same thought that makes me now put my toothbrush in a travel case, alone in the medicine cabinet. I've had roommates before, and sometimes I would see the heads of our toothbrushes touching. To me, that is like kissing that person, or using that person's toothbrush. No thank you.

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As an aside, the ADA says not to store your toothbrush in a enclosed space, but until they smell what I smell after walking into a bathroom one of my family members has been in, their recommendations will fall on deaf ears.

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(Advice: It is recommended to replace your toothbrush every three to four months and/or after an illness.)

Radio Presets

I don't think that this is one of my weirder idiosyncrasies, but a five minute spat in the car with my girlfriend has opened my eyes to the fact that it may be a tad strange. The conversation went something like this:

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Me: (Tinkering with radio presets)
Girlfriend: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "Just rearranging things. Don't worry."
Girlfriend: "No! Stop, stop, stop!"
Me: "Calm down, it's no big deal."
Girlfriend: "Yes it is! Now I don't know which station is which!"
Me: "Yes you do. Now they go from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. Now it's easier to tell."
Girlfriend: "Not when I am driving and am used to pushing a certain number for a certain station."
Me: "Fine then. If it's that big a deal I'll just put them back."
Girlfriend: "No, don't. This way is much better and you are so smart and handsome. I love you so much. I am sorry I ever doubted you."

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:-)

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Anyway, to me it is common sense that the radio presets need (yes, need) to be in numerical order from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. But, as I recently learned, not everyone thinks this way. What usually happens is that a person hears a station they like, they push one of the radio presets, and set it for easy return. Then when they are on a different station, whether it be higher or lower than the previous one, they set that station on the next present, and so on and so forth. After all of one's favorite stations are set, you are left with a jumbled mess of disorganized crap, that passengers cannot decipher, even if they tried.

What is the benefit of/reasoning behind having the presets in a random order? Nothing. It happens over time, unbeknownst to the radio preset setter until it is too late. Then, all the preset numbers become comfortable, and never change.

Everyone knows their top six radio stations, and can easily recall them from memory if all their presets were to be erased. That being said, next time you are at a red light, make your life easier and put your presets in numerical order. After a couple of days with the logic system of radio presets, the new presets will be just as easy to recall as the previous ones. Your passengers will appreciate it and thank you for it. (Or not even notice).

Hats

During this time of year, with the MLB, NFL, NHL, College Football, (and soon the NBA) in season, there are loads of people walking around wearing hats with team logos on them. As a sports fan, this is one of my favorite times of the year, but as an OCD man with a freakish set of self-imposed rules for myself and others, this time of year drives me up a wall.

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Everywhere I go, I encounter people wearing hats with all types of team logos on them. To these people I will offer one pearl of wisdom. If you are not a fan of a specific team, don't wear a hat with that team's logo on it and masquerade as one. I realize there are some times when you just need to cover your head and you grab the first hat you see, but if you are going to rep a team, you better be prepared to carry on at least a superficial conversation with regards to that team. Otherwise, you look like a complete douche.

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I'm a pretty gregarious person, and on more than one occasion, I have commented on a person's hat only to get a puzzled look and a "Huh? Oh, I don't actually follow the team" in return. WTF? Really? Why the hell are you wearing that hat then? Why is that okay? I'm not asking for a deep conversation on the team. I don't need to know the ERA of the team's ace, or how many yards the team's QB passed for that week. Maybe just a "Yeah, so and so is really tearin' it up" or "Yeah, they have a tough test next week against blank."

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Plain hats exist. You can buy a hat in any color sans logo, and we will not have a problem. I blame stores like Lids for transforming team pride into a fashion statement. I long for the day when people only wear a team's logo if they are a fan of that team. Until that day comes, I can bank on getting more grey hairs and slowly taking years off my life by obsessing over things other people don't care about.

Clapping

Whether you have noticed or not, I sometimes use my posts to rant about things that have become "my things,"...the stuff I obsess about for one reason or another.

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Let me set the scene for you...you are sitting in a movie theatre, enjoying a great film, eating delicious popcorn, and slurping a tasty beverage. Then the movie ends, and you get up to leave...and everyone claps? You're puzzled, but you start clapping too. Everyone else is doing it, you might as well, right? NO! Don't clap in a movie! There is no one there to receive your adulation. No live actors. No singers. No dancers. The director isn't there. No one who had anything to do with the movie is sitting next to you in your local AMC movie theatre. Why are you clapping!

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Don't tell me that people clap just because they liked the movie. Do you clap in the middle of a restaurant after you eat something that tastes good? No, you pay a compliment to the chef. Do you clap at the doctor's office or the dentist after receiving good service? No, you thank them appropriately. I apologize if you do this, but someone please explain to me the reasoning behind clapping in a movie theatre? You clap after a play because it's a live performance. You clap at the circus and at concerts. You can clap basically anywhere there is a human being there to receive the applause. I'll even let you clap at a movie premiere, just as long as someone who had something to do with the movie is there.

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I propose that if you want to show that you liked a movie, you can either spread the word and tell other people that they should go see it (that's really what the people involved want you to do) or go to the actor/director's website and send them a letter or something. Anyway, I know I will never stop people from clapping after a movie, but if we ever see a movie together, and I don't clap, it doesn't mean that I don't like the movie, it just means I don't see the value of clapping at a projector screen in the dark.

Phones Are Dirty

This has been my thing for a while, but very few people I have encountered even notice this, and therefore they do nothing about it.

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The evolution of the cell phone from no screen, to all screen, has left me with increased anxiety over the disgustingness of the phone. You can take a normal person, with a normal amount of oil on their face, and after talking on it, the face of their phone will be gross and caked on with oil and body ash. More often than not, when I see someone using their phone, it has face oil on it, and the person doesn't think twice about sticking it right on their face and in their ear. Needless to say, if I am going to use someone else's phone, I wipe it thoroughly before it gets anywhere near my face or ear. I'm pretty sure I can't catch anything from my ear hole, but that is not a risk I am willing to take. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm immune to this vile side effect, but after I finish with my phone call, I wipe the phone on my shirt to remove all finger prints, face oil, and skin flakes from the phone before I put it back in my pocket.

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Cell phones aren't the only culprit of these crimes of disgust. Landlines can be pretty gross too...if not worse. Landlines can be worse because they have the length to get close to the mouth of the person talking as well as their ear. So not only do you get the oil from the ear and hair, but sometimes you get mouth stank too. Believe it or not, I have talked on a communal phone that actually smelled like the bad breath of the person who was previously talking on the phone. It made me gag. I realize this is not a flaw of the phone so much as the completely atrocious bad breath of my coworker, but seeing as it was an unavoidable situation (brushing of teeth aside) I have to blame the phone. Sorry phone.

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Anyway, since phones are a necessary part of my work life, I just keep myself aware of my surroundings and wipe the phone on my shirt if needed, even if that means the person on the other end has to wait.

Clocks

I was clocking out at work today (no salary here, folks) and since my work recently moved the time clocks of the two different companies working in the building, right next to each other, I was reminded of another pet peeve I have that stems from my OCD personality.

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If something tells time, and is in the general vicinity of something else that tells time, those two (or more) things should be synchronized!

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The clocks at work are literally six inches from each other and a whole two minutes apart. Since they just moved one of them closer to the other, and they had to unplug and reprogram it anyway, why not make it so they show the same time? Also, the Cisco phone and the computer at my desk are right next to each other, yet their times are off as well. But since the company I work for thinks I'm MR, I am not allowed to adjust my computer or phone settings to change the time...so I suffer in silence.

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My work is not the only place where this has happened. Often times, the times on microwaves and ovens are off, but they are right next to each other too. It happens all over the place, keep you eyes open for it, and you will see it over and over again.

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Now I'm not saying it has to be perfectly synchronized, within 5-10 seconds is acceptable, just not to the point where you get two completely different times depending on which direction you are facing in your kitchen, or which company you work for in the building.

My Wallet

When I was a child, my grandmother was putting money back in her wallet, and she told me that the bills should always be in value order from the front of the wallet to the back of the wallet. I didn't know any better, but this turned out to be the ONLY way to put money in a wallet.

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I don't think she meant for me to take it as far as I do, but obviously I have come to adore this method for storing money. I put my singles in the front, then fives, tens, and twenties. Now in men's wallets there is often a divider in the wallet (for whatever reason) and I like to use that to separate the twenties from the larger bills (when I have them.) Fifties and hundsvilles go behind the separator. This is obviously to make sure I don't accidentally spend one in place of a twenty. (I am way to diligent for that to ever happen, but it's better to be safe than sorry, right?)

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As if this wasn't organized enough, I have to flatten out the edges of my bills so that they are perfect rectangles, and then the order of the bills of each individual denomination is determined by the crispness of the bill. The really wrinkly ones are in the front (to be used first) and the better, crispier ones are in the back. So at any one time, I will have the worst of the singles in the front of all the singles, then the worst of the fives in front of all the fives, and so on and so forth. If this isn't organized enough for you, I make it so the colored bills (the new ones that look like play money) are always in the back of their respective denominations regardless of the crispy factor. If I have more than one of the colored bills, we revert back to the crisp factor to determine placement. Think of the colored ones as a separate denomination in and of themselves, worth a tad more than their face value.

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So to recap, bills go from least to most, wrinkliest to crispiest, least colorful to most colorful, and all of that within their denominations as well. Sounds like a lot of thinking, but it's second nature to me at this point. Thanks grandma!

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As an aside, I can't stand it when people stuff their money in their pockets or in their wallet, all folded and wrinkled up. How can you keep track of it? How do you know if it's all there? I guarantee that when you find money on the ground when you are out in public it is one of those people who dropped it. They went into their pocket for some keys or a piece of gum, and the wadded up, sweaty twenty accidentally plopped out in the process. Then, observant OCDers like myself, see it, unwrinkle it, and put it in the appropriate spot in our neatly organized wallets...twenty dollars richer.

Tipping

I've always been a generous tipper, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my tipping practices are 50% generosity, and 50% Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

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When I go out to eat, I always use credit/debit cards (cash is dirty and leaves no paper trail) so when it comes time to pay and tip, I can tip to the penny. Literally, to the penny. When the bill comes (lets say it's $23.37) I will tip so that the final amount is a round number. Something about having it an odd amount on the receipt doesn't sit well with me. So, for example, on a $23.37 bill, I will tip $6.63, so that the final amount is $30.00. I am satisfied with the nice, round number. The server is satisfied with an over 28% tip. And then, when I check the amount on my credit card statement, I can easily verify that the amount charged was correct.

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Speaking of verifying the amount, one time, and a lame, douche bag-hangout, bar, the final amount charged on my card was $1.00 more than I left as a tip. Obviously I knew this because I always tip an even amount. I disputed the claim with my credit card company (on principle, not on the amount) and $1.00 was credited to my account. If I wasn't so diligent, this shady, already overpriced, shoot-myself-in-the-face-before-I-go-back, bar would have swindled me out of my hard earned money.

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Anyway, if the bill is not an amount that is easily totaled into a round number, I will settle for something like a $32.00, or a $28.00 total. But the cents will always be .00 and whenever possible the final amount will be a denomination of 5 or 10.

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I have thought about the fact that it would be annoying to get something like 63 cents as part of a tip, but most servers get their credit card tips on their paychecks, so that is not even a factor. Not to mention I always round up, so they are getting a better tip than someone else would give them, and because of that, any complaints would fall on deaf ears.

Handles on Toilets

It seems like all my posts have to do with the bathroom, but obviously this is a huge source of OCD material, so I just can't help myself.

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You know how you can trace back some of your idiosyncrasies to a moment in your childhood? (Or is that just me?) Well anyway, this is one of mine that I can trace back to an episode of 20/20 from way back when. It was a special on germs and the spots where the most germs are found in everyday places. To the best of my recollection, the show involved swabbing multiple areas and testing them to determine what places to avoid. The only thing I remember from the episode is that toilet seats are not that germy, and the handles of toilets are one of the germiest places one encounters on a daily basis. This is for obvious reasons as people usually flush prior to washing their hands, but the information I learned on that Friday night some fifteen years ago has influenced me everyday since.

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Simply put, I just can't bring myself to touch a toilet handle to flush it. I realize I am going to wash my hands seconds later, but I also realize how nasty people can be, and I don't want any of that nasty on me for any length of time. Most often, when it comes time to flush, I will kick the handle down with my shoe, and flush it that way. This is the preferred method.

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Sometimes, though, I will just wash my hands before I flush the toilet, and then use my paper towel hand to flush after I have washed my hands. This method also works, but it comes with its own set of worries. Often times when I do this, I think people think (and I have had two different people comment on this) that I don't wash my hands at all. I can understand this thinking because the natural order of things would be to flush the toilet, then wash my hands, and then by the time the bathroom door is opened, the toilet will have finished flushing. But when I do the paper towel flush, it is not uncommon for the toilet to still be flushing when I leave the restroom, at which point people assume I am gross like them, and don't wash my hands, and then I must defend my honor.

The End.

1/2 the Salad, 3/4 the Price

What is half of ten? Five, right? Is that so hard to figure out? It's pretty simple if you ask me, but at some restaurants half of ten is like eight or something, and half of twelve is sometimes like nine or so. Confusing, huh? One of my biggest pet peeves involves this simple math.

Half of a salad should cost half of the price! Anytime I see whole or half salads on a menu at a restaurant, I become enraged at the price discrepancy between the two.

I realize that the server still has to get paid their same wage whether I order a full or half salad, and their time is valuable, and their wage is some of that additional cost, but I feel like that is up to the restaurant to make up for. Restaurants don't charge for water, but that is just as time consuming to refill as a soda they make three bucks on. And restaurants that have half-priced happy hour appetizers somehow manage to stay afloat even though they are serving the same thing but only making half as much. And if their argument is that it's more than half a salad, so that's why it's more than half the price, then don't call it a half salad. Simple as that. Call it "A Little Less" or some other kitschy name.

The problem is, I can't really eat a whole salad without stuffing myself until lettuce climbs its way back up my esophagus. But that being said, I will always, ALWAYS, order the whole salad when dining out, unless I deem the half salad price to be comparable to that of the whole salad price. The way I see it, I would rather throw half of the salad away, and burn two or three dollars, than get a half salad. I know they don't care, but I feel like I am sticking it to the restaurant by getting this whole big salad and throwing the rest of it away.

And then I win.

Top 5 Cleaning Products

As if it wasn’t obvious, I have a top 5 list of my favorite cleaning products. This is my OCD-ness at the best, and I would recommend any of these products for various reasons. Now these products are all for different things, so this is not in any particular order, but let my explanations speak for themselves.

5. Clorox Wipes – As mentioned in my previous post about bathroom cleanliness, I am totally a fan of these puppies. I keep a container of them in my desk (I work at a hospital) and at various times during the day, I whip them out and let them do their business. They are convenient to use and kill 99.9% if all bacteria. They are pleasantly scented (lemon, orange, or fresh scent) and stay moist and ready to use whenever needed.
PRO: Quick peace of mind. Lemon scent smells so clean!
CON: They take a little too long to dry, and because they don’t smell like alcohol, I find myself doubting the fact that they really work on the truly gnarly, invisible killers.
BEST USE: Cleaning places that aren’t dirty, but may be unclean. (Think counter top post raw chicken preparation.)

4. KaBoom – Cleaning showers is a pain in the ass but for hard-water spots, and dirty foot prints on the base of the tub, this is the product I turn to (thanks J!). Leave it on the sliding glass doors for 5-10 minutes and come back and clean it. I would recommend the small circles technique of scrubbing it off because I find it works the best. Don’t get me wrong, you are still going to have to use a little elbow grease but I feel like this gets the job done.
PRO: It’s very thick, so when you spray it on the desired surface, it stays where it’s sprayed.
CON: It’s yellow. I feel like cleaning products should be clear or white, but it still works so I can get over it. Also, the scent is very potent, and you are going to have to take a breather if you are cleaning the whole shower.
BEST USE: Water spots on the shower door. (Scrubbing required.)

3. Swiffer – Um amazing. When these bad boys burst upon the scene (it feels like it wasn’t that long ago, but I don’t really remember) I was skeptical of their cleaning ability, but they are now one of my favorites. I like the fact that hair sticks to them, and they seem to get dust that I didn’t know was there. If you haven’t used these yet, get out from under your rock and use them. They come in wet and dry versions, and they are so much more sanitary then a mop (a stinky, moldy, bacteria spreader) or a broom (are you kidding me they run right over most of the dirt they are intended to catch). Being a little bit of a tight wad, I will use one Swiffer cloth for the whole house, and vacuum off the hair and dirt intermittently until the job is done.
PRO: They are literally like dust magnets, and can be reused until the job is done.
CON: Obviously they are not a one time purchase like a broom is, and because of that, they are more expensive…but it is money well spent. One thing I will say about that though, I have found no difference between Swiffer and store brand so if you want to save some green, you don’t have to buy the Swiffer name.
BEST USE: Hardwood floors. If you want them to feel clean on your bare feet, use a Swiffer.

2. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser – These are relatively new too. I’m not sure how they do what they do…but they are pretty magical. They clean scuff marks pretty well, mold on shower tiles (in the grout especially) and then pretty much anything else you can think of. I believe the “magic ingredient” is some sort of paint thinner, so be careful. If you use it on a painted wall, and scrub too hard, it will pretty much take the paint right off. Another downfall is that they disintegrate in your hands and drip white cleaning agent all over the place. A small price to pay, if you ask me, but annoying none the less.
PRO: They clean things that are really difficult to clean otherwise. Especially the bathroom.
CON: They are too powerful? (Sounds strange but I’m sticking to it.) And they fall apart in your hand (store brand more than Mr. Clean's brand.)
BEST USE: Bathroom tile grout. It’s a safe haven for mold, but Mr. Clean found a way to flush it out.

1. Goo Gone – Holy Crap, where has this stuff been all my life? I can't say enough good things about this amazing cleaning accessory. It manages to get the stickiest messes out with little to no effort. Tree sap, gum, 15 year old stickers…nothing is a problem for Goo Gone. Recently I cleaned off three, 15 year old parking stickers from my grandmother's old car. It took a lot of rubbing but they are gone with no residue left on it, and no scratches on my windshield. I look at it everyday and smile. It’s simply amazing. It has a pleasant citrus scent, (which as I said before, just smells clean) and you do not have to use large quantities in order for it to get the job done. A little goes a long, long way.
PRO: It can clean things that you have given up on ever getting clean, but please read the directions before you put it on something that gets ruined.
CON: (If you find one, let me know. But I will say that breathing it in an enclosed car made for a dizzying experience. I can’t hold that against the product though, so no CON)
BEST USE: Tree sap on you car. It cleans it off effortlessly.

So that's just a little glimpse of my passion. Stay tuned for my bottom 5 cleaning products coming soon! :)

Manhole covers

So you're probably thinking "what could possibly bother you about manhole covers?" but this is definitely an OCD thing that drives me bonkers!

I know you have all seen the manhole covers that sit atop the street entrance of a sewer...well I have this thing where I can't stand it when they are put back over the sewer holes incorrectly. Now I know there is no "wrong" way to put a round piece of metal over a round hole, but I really wish there was some sort of indicator as to where it should be placed when the hole is recovered.

Oh wait there is...

Now it's not all of them, but sometimes the paint on the streets will overlap with a manhole cover and act as that indicator. But, instead of putting the cover back on the hole so that the lines of the road will match up again, the non-OCD mind (or maybe in a hurry to get home?) just puts it back wherever it falls, and there it sits, taunting me to no end.

Seriously, how crappy does that look, and how easy would it be to fix this! I know these Bs are heavy but if they were put on correctly the first time, it would be easy!

Beards

As a huge, bearded biker sputtered past me on the freeway, I was reminded about my strong feelings for beards. I don't not like beards, but in my opinion it has to be well-kept, clean, and natural. I don't understand the appeal of growing a long, wiry, pubic beard. It looks gross and I don't care what everyone says, you are instantly judged the second someone sees it. Most often, the long beard wearers have grey beard hair...only it's not grey. Instead it's some tobacco stained, yellow color that cannot be cleaned with the harshest chemicals known to man, and that, coupled with the wiry factor, create the perfect storm of yuck. Picture yourself as a toddler climbing up to see Santa Claus and seeing this guy looking all dirty (regardless of whether or not he is actually dirty) staring down at you? It's no wonder children cry at the sight of Santa.

So that covers what I mean by well-kept and clean, but what do I mean by natural? Well, everyone has seen the guy walking around the mall, or the baseball park looking like he has a piece of black tape as a beard. The beard with no changes in color or texture, no highlights, no hints of grey (if it's age appropriate) just straight, jet black, obviously dyed hair. I blame the company Just for Men. They have brainwashed viewers into thinking dyed hair looks good with the catchy jingle "It looks so natural. No one can tell, with Just for Men." I contend that their jingle should be "It looks so fake. Everyone can tell, it's Just for Men."

Single Occupancy Public Restroom

I don't know about you, but single-person, public restrooms are a heap of anxiety for me. Not because I wont use them, but because I tend to obsess about and over think the situation.

The Walk Over
I am overly cautious while walking to, and entering the bathroom. I realize this stems from my own paranoid (which you will read about later) but I believe it to be with other people's best interest in mind. On my way over to the bathroom, I always listen closely to see if I can hear someone in the bathroom before I go in. If I can, I will turn around and walk the other way. Why? Well what if someone is coming out of the bathroom, after finishing #2, right as I walk in? What if it smells bad? What if it's my boss? I don't want the person leaving the bathroom to be embarrassed by the vile stench they have created, so I will just walk away and avoid the situation all together. I know they may not even be going to the bathroom (maybe they are just washing their hands or blowing their nose) but I would rather not risk their embarrassment.

If I don't hear anything on the approach, I will proceed to step two, and slowly apply pressure to the handle to see if it is locked. If it is, I will have touched it so gently, the person on the inside will not have been alerted to my presence, and can continue uninterrupted. If it is unlocked, I will slowly open it, while averting my eyes, just in case there is someone on the inside who has forgotten to lock the door. I open the door slowly to allow time for someone to frantically yell "Ah there's someone in here!" and I avert my eyes because I think that seeing a co-worker dropping a deuce would be a tremendously awkward and traumatizing experience for the both of us.

The Prep
First of all, in one of my more OCD tendencies, I must wash my hands BEFORE I use the restroom, as well as after I am finished. I do this to ensure nothing that is on my hand transfers to my p-ner, and nothing from my weenis transfers to my hands (and in turn my eyes, ears, nose, or mouth). Secondly, and I don't care that this is a waste of water, I will not be able to sit down if there is ANYTHING in the toilet (one square of toilet paper stuck to the side, soap bubbles, crap crumbs...it doesn't matter) so if there is something there, I will have to flush it first. I can't really explain it, but it's kind of a routine.

The Act
When I use the restroom for anything other than a quick trip, I need to scrub and dry the area with toilet paper or paper towels (even if it's already dry). On some occasions, Clorox Disinfecting Wipes (I prefer the lemon scented) are needed to prep the zone, but this is reserved for places I feel are the most unclean. After I have adequately sanitized the commode (including the area at the base of the toilet where men tend to drip urine) I am ready for the task at hand. While taking care of business, I check and recheck the lock on the door for fear that someone will magically be able to open the door and accidentally walk in on me. Then, as if a locked door wasn't security enough, I will set my foot in front of the door to stop it from swinging open in case someone tries to push their way in through. Whatever, I know it doesn't make sense.

So, as I said, I will use public restrooms, but because of all of that, it is a rare occasion.

Vacuuming!

When people think ocd, they think repetitive hand washing, nonsensical flipping of light switches, and peculiar cleanliness. I haven't slipped into the first two yet [yet] but my passion and my pleasure is cleaning, particularly vacuuming. I Vacuums! I love the look, the feel, the smell of the room after a vacuum has finished, and, of course, the spotless area left in its wake.

I have a rule when it comes to vacuums, You get what you pay for. Plain and simple. It has been my experience that people hesitate to spend a lot of money on a vacuum. I have been told "The $30 one is just as good," on several occasions, but that's just not the case. Sorry. Not only is the suction weaker, but the vacuum will lose that weak suction over time, and you will be left with a plastic canister, reminiscent of a child's play thing. FYI, those toys don't actually clean.

My favorite type of Vacuum, is the Dyson. Hands down, the best vacuum I have ever used. They make as much noise as every other vacuum, but they are far more powerful and simply glorious. I have two Dyson vacuums in my home. The first one, for everyday, quick and easy use, is the handheld Dyson DC 16 root 6. This one is great. It docks easily in the charger so it is always ready to use, and it has the same great Cyclone technology that makes Dyson one of the premiere vacuum companies in the world. Quick, convenient, and amazing.

The Second one in my house, is the Dyson DC 14. This is an upright vacuum with a long, telescoping handle for tough corners. The hose can extend up to 17 feet without losing any suction, and is great for going up stairs and getting cob webs out of ceiling corners. The base of the vacuum is so strong, you can feel the dirt and grime being sucked out of every crevice in your home. Freakin' great!

Now I realize that they are expensive, but if taken care of properly, you will never have to buy another vacuum. Luckily, Dyson is a brand carried at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, who routinely send out 20% off coupons, which can be applied to the purchase of your first and last vacuum. You can sign up for Bed, Bath, and Beyond 20% off coupons here.

"That's what I sound like!?"

This is one of those things I like to think I am not alone on, but I'm pretty sure I am. I touched upon this idiosyncrasy in an earlier post, but I whole-heartedly believe that it deserves its own time.

ANYTIME I hear my own voice (whether it be on a voicemail or an old home movie, or anything else) I cringe at how it sounds. I am mortified and embarrassed to hear myself speak. My voice is nasally, and not nearly as deep as I think it sounds in my head. To tell you the truth it seems a bit effeminate and obnoxious, and because it higher pitched than I would like, I may or may not sound like a child...or David Beckham. As luck would have it, I spend a fair amount of the work day on the phone, and I'm pretty sure the person on the other end is wondering why a flamboyant child, who probably plays World of Warcraft, is on the phone with them.

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Now I am a pretty confident person, so to hear myself and hear what other people hear on a daily basis, is a major blow to my ego. I mean, if I were anyone I wouldn't talk to me.

If my voice could be depicted in a Microsoft paint drawing, this is what I would look like. :-)

Tongues...ew.

One thing I tend to focus on a lot is the look of some one's tongue. You are probably thinking "seriously...how often can you see some one's tongue?" It's actually easier to see than you might think, you just need to be paying attention at certain times - like disbelief, yelling, or most often, laughing. It's easy to see a dirty tongue because of the stark contrast between the color of the tongue (red) and the nasty while crud that cakes on it when unwashed.

HAHAHA...okay so this is extreme but you get the idea.

So I don't know about you guys, but when I see this, I can instantly feel my own tongue after a long day, dying to be brushed - de-caked, if you will - so that the fresh red tongue can shine through...no? just me?

Nowadays there are all sorts of tongue cleaners (see below) but I have found a good ol' tooth brush gets the job done most effectively.

I think the bristles of the brush work well on the texture of the tongue to get all the bacteria and dead cells out, whereas and the lame things they have now, just don't do the trick. Look, the tongue is gross enough as it is, keep it clean!

Car Stickers

This is not a compulsion, but rather something I obsess about, and comment on, every time I see it. Picture this: You roll up to a red light, and as you get closer to the SUV in front of you, you see a white sticker on the rear window. "What is that?" you say "oh wait, I know what that is, that's a tombstone. Like the ones in a graveyard." And so it is. The sticker is a name of a person as well as their date of birth and the date of death. Like this...eek.

Now more commonly you see the name of a family member, or someone who is not a celebrity. But I don't understand when it became commonplace to put "Rest in Peace" stickers on the back window of a car? Did I miss a memo that went around to everyone in the world telling people that the proper way to pay respect to loved ones who have passed was to put their name and dates on your car? Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of remembering a loved one with like a tattoo, or something else more permanent, but putting a sticker on your car, where birds shit, and rain falls, and crap like that...it just seems a bit unnecessary to me.

My dislike of the memorial sticker does not compare to my disdain for the family sticker. This is a terrible idea! Who thought it would be a good idea to put the first and last name of your whole family on the back of your mini van for all to see. Call me paranoid, but now John Q. Pedophile can go up to little Billy Smith and say "Hey Billy, your mommy, Susan, wants me to pick you up from school today. Come home with me." And then BAM, Billy is accosted because this man, although strange and unknown, knows Billy's name, his mother's name, and the family name. Worst, idea, ever.

my Handwriting

As I made out a greeting card for my grandmother, I was reminded of the fact that I can't stand my handwriting. It's sloppy. The lines of the letters don't touch. I mix printing and cursive. I cannot write straight, and I cannot stay on the line.

As a matter of fact, the only "C" ever received from 1st grade all the way until graduation in 12th grade was in 5th grade handwriting. I was shocked an appalled to have gotten a "C" in something, but soon after I realized the error of my ways. Let me personify it this way: if my handwriting was a person, it would be a gangly, preteen, on the cusp of puberty running for something, and maybe even tripping and falling...and scraping its knee. It sucks. I hate looking at it. I hate looking at it as much as I hate hearing my voice on a voicemail message or in a home movie...but I digress.

In an effort to compensate for hating my handwriting, when I write things for public consumption (work notes excluded) I will write them in a strange way to try and fool myself into thinking that someone else wrote it. I will make big swooping curves on letters with curves in them, and make letters with points (like M, N, or W) very sharp. I feel like this distracts me (and hopefully others) from how juvenile my writing looks, and I hope people say "wow this handwriting is strangely appealing." No one else probably notices or cares, but this is something I think about on a daily basis. *sigh*

Condensation

I cannot handle the condensation on the outside of anything...cups, glasses, water bottles, car windows, etc. I consider it the silent killer. While I try to let it go, there is something about those little droplets of water that screams at me... "dry me, dry me!" So I do. You will never see a glass of mine that is not on a napkin, a coaster, a towel or some combination of that. (I prefer the napkin on top of the coaster...the napkin to dry the condensation and the coaster to protect the wood underneath). If I see a glass, condensation running rampant, water ring on the table, smeared remnants of the previous water ring all over the table, I have to dry it up. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

For example, I set my morning iced drink on a stack of napkins (4-7 napkins) and as the glass/plastic sweats those little annoying droplets, I periodically use one of the napkins to dry the cup, 360 degrees around in a methodical up and down motion. I then toss the napkin in the proper receptacle and rest at the site of the clean cup. Obviously, the colder the drink and the hotter the room, the more of a problem I have (see below). But I deal. Wipe, rotate, repeat.

Thanks to Purdue University, here is an illustration of how my enemy wins on a daily basis.

keep music personal

All too often, while at the gym, or at the movies, or just plain walking around, there is someone who is blasting the music on their MP3 player so loudly that I can not only hear the song, but even make out some of the words. This irritates me to no end because it throws me back to the early 90s when people would carry around their whole boombox in a failed attempt to be "rad" or "hip" (insert other early 90s term for cool). I don't want to hear your crap music, if I did, I would be listening to it on my ipod, and not being distracted by yours.

VS.

The way I see it, technology has provided us with the ability to make our music personal, so please take advantage of the miniaturization of music and keep it personal.

Oh, and one more thing...it's so bad for your ears that any "coolness" you gain by blasting your DJ Jazzy Jeff (or whatever the kids are listening to these days) will be eliminated 1000 fold when you are 55 and deaf, and people have to yell at you, and then you HAVE to crank-up your music just to hear it even a little bit!

Toilet Paper

To me there is only one way to put the toilet paper on the roll. I HAS to be put with the available end coming over the top of the roll. If I see a roll with the TP going underneath, I have to stop and fix it no matter where I am.

The Right Way

The Wrong Way

Also, I hate industrial, mass-produced TP that you find in public settings. In order for it to fit in the holder, and not need to be replaced often, it has to be thin as $h!t - no pun intended - and that makes for a terrible wiping experience. Now I don't carry my own roll of TP around with me, but I can see how that is not too far off.

Welcome!

This is my first attempt at blogging. The jury is still out on whether or not this will work, but it might be fun to do. I have no grandiose plans for this blog, I'm just going to use this space to vent...or rather, share my thoughts as well as vent. I tend to spend way too much time thinking about things no one else notices, and if they do, they sure as hell don't care about them. But I do and this is my way to cope with that. Enjoy!