Creating a Monster, Part 2

I know I have touched on it before, but for those of you who are not aware, oral hygiene is big in my book (as seen here and here). For that reason, I hold the oral hygiene of others to a higher standard as well. Unfortunately, I learned at an early age that oral hygiene is not as important to others as it is to me. (I trace this one back to second grade for those of you who are keeping track of when I became how I am).

In second grade (I was what, seven or eight?) I went to talk to my teacher before recess. She was a sweet lady, and I really have nothing bad to say about her, or at least nothing worse than what I am about to say. Despite her best efforts to be perfect, she had undeniably terrible breath. Not like morning breath. Not like onion breath. Way worse. I don't know if it was a medical problem or a McShit sandwich for breakfast, but even second grade me realized what it was and hated it.

The problem with this situation is that I wanted to like her - nay - I liked her and I didn't want to hate her, so I had to improvise a way to talk to her without passing out from the stench. Smart as can be, second grade me came up with the method that present day me uses to talk to everyone, regardless of whether or not their breath stinks. Anytime I am in close proximity with anyone (family, friend, or stranger) and I have a chance of smelling their breath, I breathe through a tiny crack in my lips to avoid the risk of smelling their breath, and unwittingly judging them. I don't like to make it obvious and I don't want to look like a mouth-breathing idiot, so I make the crack in my lips as small as possible. In addition, if I have my mouth open wider than it has to be, I run a risk that a drop of their spit goes into my mouth...I have had a bad experience with that before.

I know not everyone has bad breath, but I continue to mouth-breathe around others for a couple of reasons. First of all, I like to like people. I don't want to be disgusted by their breath. If I can't smell it, I can't be grossed out by it, and then I can base my opinion of someone on the whole being and not just their breath. Secondly, I work at a hospital and my job puts me around people who have never seen a toothbrush in their life (sadly, a lot of them are staff). When talking to anyone at work I would be willing to bet my life savings that their breath smells worse than the diaper bin in a nursery. Rather than risk the situation, I just assume the worst, and breathe through the little crack in my lips. Cynical? Yes. Rude? Maybe. Wrong? No.