Tubs of Butter

As far back as I can remember I have had this obsession with my butter, or rather my butter substitute. I don't particularly care for the taste of real butter, but I have become quite fond of butter substitutes, particularly Brummel and Brown. One of the things I like about the stand-ins is that they come in a neat little container. No messy stick to melt all over a butter dish and smear all over the place...but that's not my obsession. I just wanted to set the stage and explain my reasoning for liking my spreads in a neat little Tupperware-like tub.

My obsession stems from my desire to keep things neat and uniform. When I knife my fake butter out of my dish, I like to sweep the knife across the top of the spread to keep the top as smooth as possible. This way, one thin layer at a time is removed from the top, and the spread is always flat, smooth, and still appetizing, like it is new and has never even been used.

What irks me to no end is when this beautiful, smooth, uniform mold is desecrated and hacked to bits by some uncaring, unaware being, who has no respect for the brilliance of a systematic butter scraping technique. They plunge their knife into the container willy nilly, gouging the butter mold into a hacked-up, crater-filled mess, like this...

I know this is extreme, and because I am so particular about things like this, I tend to keep two of things like this in the house...one for me and one for anyone else who wants to use it. This way I can keep my OCD quirks and not impose them on others, and others can hack their butter to hell.