License Plates

"It has been so long since you posted!"

Shut up.

Here are the top four things I hate about license plates. Why four? Because I can't think of five.

4. Leaving the previous year's registration sticker on your license plate when the new sticker comes in from the DMV. The instructions that come with the new registration clearly tell you to take the old one off and place the new one on. The problem is, they are a pain in the ass to get off because they are made to fall apart when someone tries to take them off, to stop unsavory characters from stealing the sticker from someone else's plate. Because of this, people get lazy and leave the old one on. This annoys me, and with minimal effort, it can be avoided. See how bad it looks? (Also, sometimes people purposely leave a little bit of the previous year's sticker showing to make a rainbow. This is also stupid but too similar for it to be its own complaint.) 

3.  Putting the "Peel Here" sticker on your plate as a decoration. There really isn't much to say about this one. It's not a decoration, it's trash. You wouldn't display the envelope a Christmas card came in next to the Christmas card itself. It's trash! Throw it away! (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, see below.)

2. No license plate frame. This is really my weird thing, but license plates without a decorative frame just look bad. To take this one step further, I hate the dealer frames too. If you don't take those things off, you are advertising for the dealer for free. Why would you do that? For just a few dollars, you can get a generic one that nicely frames your plate. It's the same logic behind getting a picture frame for your family photo...it just looks better.

And now, the #1 most annoying thing that has to do with my obsession with [all things unimportant] license plates...

1.  Switching the placement of the month and year stickers. This is another one of those "I'm too cool to follow the rules" things that I hate. I honesty believe that it is impossible to do this on accident, so it has to be on purpose. When you get a new, never used license plate, there is a blank spot on either side of the word California with "MO" on the left side where the month sticker is to go, and "YR" on the right side where the yearly registration is supposed to go. It's clear as day and yet some people switch the placement for some reason unbeknownst to me. This irritates me to no end when I see this.   

Toliet Paper - Revisited

Way back in July 2009, I wrote a post on toilet paper, and how it should only be placed on the holder with the loose end "rolling over" the roll. Well, Cottonelle has come up with the "Roll Poll" to gather data on this very issue.

The Results (so far):

I am pleased to report that approximately 75% of the country got it right, while the other 25% are living in the dark and letting their toilet paper roll under. If this was a test, America would have a "C" which is less than desirable. But if this was an election, the Over Party would have an overwhelming majority, and would be running the joint. (How great would it be if this was a real poll and the majority voters elected which way toilet paper HAD to be put on? BTW, I'm pretty sure there are dumber laws than that in existence.)

Unfortunately, the state I live in, California, is voting 63% to 37% to roll under. Really CA? Screw you. How could so many people be off? It's almost the exact opposite of the rest of the country. I just don't understand and I am thoroughly disappointed.

 

Happy New Year

No, I'm not wishing you a happy new year. I'm not sure what that really means. Happy Birthday, I understand. It's one day. You can brush off your problems for a day. You can ignore things that normally bother you for one day. But a year? Come on. It's either going to be a good year, or it wont.

Anyway, that's not my point. My point is, if you are going to tell someone "Happy New Year," make sure you say just that. I can't even count how many times I got "Happy New Years"-ed this year. Afterwards I thought to myself, "Are you serious? How many years should I be celebrating right now?" Obviously that confusion comes from New Year's Eve, which is not the plural of year, but rather, possessive, as in "the eve belonging to the New Year." But that doesn't matter. Just because I know where the error comes from doesn't make it more tolerable.

While I'm on the topic, I thought I would let you know, it's only appropriate to tell someone "Happy New Year" after the new year begins. From 12/28 on, I got the crap happy new yeared out of me. And not even with the semi-redeeming "And in case I don't see you" in front of it. Just straight "Happy New Year" like I was living a week in the past or something. And what can I say to them? I refuse to say it back that early, so I would just say "Yep" or "Thanks" in response.

But now it's January 6th, so let me take this time to tell everyone I hope you have a good enough 2010.

Christmas Lights

Before it gets too far away from Christmas, I want to go over a few things. I wanted to get this out before Christmas, but things don't always work out as planned. So, without further ado, here is my rant on Christmas Lights. "Yeah-Boo" style.

Like all humans, I prefer symmetry. Whether you know it or not, you are more attracted to symmetrical people than non-symmetrical hideous ogres. It's just more visually appealing. (I don't know the psychology behind that...it's not like I majored in psychology or anything.) Anyway, for me, Christmas lights are the same thing. Heart does not matter to me. You have to put a reasonable amount of effort into it, and simply put, it just has to look good. One string across the top doesn't cut it anymore. This is America...the fattest nation in the world. Go big or go home. So to please my fans, I became an extreme voyeur and went around taking pictures of people's houses - good and bad. Thankfully no one called the police on me.

This might be the lamest one I saw. One string of white lights across the roof top. It's even drooping in some spots. Come on people. This one gets a big fat BOOOO!

This one is not quite as bad because it has some color, but again, one single strand of blue lights. I couldn't get a picture of it, but the single strand also stops part way around the side of the house facing the street. Classy. The weirdest part was that these lights were a strange deep blue. Not festive at all. If anything, they were eerie. This one gets a slightly less enthusiastic BOOO!

Now look at this one. It has a great mix of color, shapes, sizes, and overall it is pretty symmetrical. All the little trees are draped in lights. We have blue and white with a hint of red. Even a little bow at the point of the roof. This one gets a resounding YEAH!

To crush the momentum we were gaining, may I present to you this masterpiece. (Is the sarcasm coming through loud enough?) This person has a good mix of color, but as you can see, decided that, instead of continuing around the side of the house, they would double up the strand for half of the front of the house, until the string of lights ran out. To me, this says, "There the house is decorated, now can I watch my stories." *said with a hick accent* This one, too, gets a lame-ass BOO!

To put us back on track, we have this simple, yet elegant number. Both floors of the house have an even amount of ice sickles on them, and the garage has its own lights as well. Both sides of the walk way are lined with candy canes, and a lovely snowman and Christmas trees greet you as you walk into the house. Although they are all on one side, it is the actual center of the house because the porch itself off-center. I would have liked to see something around the windows, but now they have some room for improvement for next year. This one gets an average YEAH.

Now you might think that this next one will get a whole-hearted YEAH, but that is most definitely not the case. It's true that there is a nice blend of colors, but it looks very sloppy. Look at the pillar. The lights are strung up the pillar at different angles. The blue lights in the planter look like they were dropped there on accident. And the single strand of big glass lights along the roof line droop in a non-uniform way. I will say that they tried to "go all out," if you will, they just needed to be a little more precise with their execution. This one gets somewhat muted Boo.

And finally, last and least, my pick for laziest decorator this holiday season. Look at this mess. One string of red lights, on random parts of the roof. I know it is hard to tell, but there is nothing obstructing the view here. Where the lights stop, the lights actually stop. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Where ever the string of lights happened to end, that was okay for this person. My favorite part is the two inches of lights on the tree in the bottom right corner. I think it's a nice touch. This one gets my biggest, laziest BOOOOO!

Christmas for the OCDer

I love Christmas. I love buying presents for other people, and because I pay such close attention to everything, I feel as though I can really pick out the perfect present for someone. Getting presents, however, is not as easy for me. Since I'm so specific about my likes and dislikes, my family and friends have a difficult time finding "the perfect gift" for me - aside from the things I specifically ask for. But in recent years my family and friends have really keyed into my unique personality and found the perfect gifts.

Last Christmas my brother continued my Dyson obsession with the purchase of the Dyson Handheld DC 16 Root 6 (which I believe has now been discontinued/improved upon). I couldn't have asked for a better present. It's high quality, easy to use, and super convenient. It's perfect.

This year, stumped as always I'm sure, the gang pulled through again. A present that I'm sure most people gave out at their office White Elephant Gift Exchange, thrilled me beyond belief. This Christmas I received an amazing Violight Toothbrush Sanitizer! (If you are not aware of my toothbrush obsession you can read about it here). It is probably the perfect gift for me. I already keep my toothbrush in a protective case, and this way, I can blow-off the ADA's recommendation of not putting your toothbrush in an enclosed space, without guilt.

In addition to my toothbrush obsession, my cleaning obsession got a boost this season as well, with the addition of the Shark Handheld Steam Cleaner. Perfect for cleaning AND disinfecting! One of the things I am most excited to use it for, is steam cleaning the wrinkles out of my clothes. As OCD as I am, I absolutely hate ironing. The Shark will be a great addition to the cleaning arsenal.

Finally, as if a little birdie (or this blog post) told her that I hate to have a dirty car, my mother picked out the life saving California Car Duster. It's essentially just a long mop on a stick, but I will change my world completely. If I can dust my car before the morning dew hits (nature's annoying condensation) the water marks on my car won't be as dirty or visible, saving me a lot of hassle in the mornings. Instead of having to dry off the car in the morning, I can just dust mop it when it dries and save myself some of the headache.

This year I was essentially given the gift of peace of mind a few times over..the best present an OCDer could ask for. Word to the wise, this blog is probably your best bet for finding me the perfect present.

The Time Clock

As mentioned before, I am a wage worker. From 8:00am to 4:30pm I am a prisoner to the time clock. For those of you with a salary, or some other easier way to clock in and out, this is what my boss looks like...

The time clock works in quarters and each employee is given a seven minute window to clock in and start their eight hour day. In the eyes of the clock, anyone that arrives at work anytime between 8:00am and 9:00am is considered "clocked in" at either 8:00am, 8:15am, 8:30am, 8:45am, or 9:00am. For example, if I come into work anytime from 7:53am-8:07am I am considered clocked in at 8:00am and can leave anytime from 4:23pm-4:37pm and it is considered 4:30pm. Or, if I come into work anytime from 8:08am-8:22am I am considered clocked in at 8:15am and can leave anytime from 4:38pm-4:52pm, and it is considered 4:45pm. I hope that is not as confusing as I think it is, but hopefully by the end it will make sense.

Because the clock works the way it does, anyone with any common sense would try to arrive and clock in at 8:07am, and leave at 4:23pm. In the eyes of the clock, you have arrived at 8:00am and have left at 4:30pm. This way, you will get paid for 8 hours (with a half hour unpaid lunch in there somewhere) and you are only "working" for 7 hours and 46 minutes. Because of the seven minute window, the clock can essentially pay you for approximately 25% of your hourly wage that you weren't working for.

That being said, enter my OCD personality. I like to clock in at an exact time (like 8:00am), clock out for lunch exactly four hours later (12:00pm), clock back in from lunch exactly thirty minutes later than that (12:30pm), and leave four hours after that (4:30pm). Honest and stupid. That's my philosophy.

The weird part about the whole thing is that I will keep this staunch time schedule regardless of what time I arrive. If I happen to get to the time clock at 7:53am, I'm not going to wait seven minutes to clock in at 8:00am because I am not patient or dumb enough for that (I will get paid the same amount anyway). Instead I will take lunch at 11:53am, clock back in at 12:23pm, and leave for the day at 4:23pm. It sounds exhausting but it's second nature at this point. If you are wondering how I get to the clock on time, every time, I have my wrist watch synchronized to the time clock and I set my phone alarm to go off one minute prior to the time I have to clock in. This way I can make my way over to the clock and wait a few second for the time to be exact.

Creating a Monster, Part 2

I know I have touched on it before, but for those of you who are not aware, oral hygiene is big in my book (as seen here and here). For that reason, I hold the oral hygiene of others to a higher standard as well. Unfortunately, I learned at an early age that oral hygiene is not as important to others as it is to me. (I trace this one back to second grade for those of you who are keeping track of when I became how I am).

In second grade (I was what, seven or eight?) I went to talk to my teacher before recess. She was a sweet lady, and I really have nothing bad to say about her, or at least nothing worse than what I am about to say. Despite her best efforts to be perfect, she had undeniably terrible breath. Not like morning breath. Not like onion breath. Way worse. I don't know if it was a medical problem or a McShit sandwich for breakfast, but even second grade me realized what it was and hated it.

The problem with this situation is that I wanted to like her - nay - I liked her and I didn't want to hate her, so I had to improvise a way to talk to her without passing out from the stench. Smart as can be, second grade me came up with the method that present day me uses to talk to everyone, regardless of whether or not their breath stinks. Anytime I am in close proximity with anyone (family, friend, or stranger) and I have a chance of smelling their breath, I breathe through a tiny crack in my lips to avoid the risk of smelling their breath, and unwittingly judging them. I don't like to make it obvious and I don't want to look like a mouth-breathing idiot, so I make the crack in my lips as small as possible. In addition, if I have my mouth open wider than it has to be, I run a risk that a drop of their spit goes into my mouth...I have had a bad experience with that before.

I know not everyone has bad breath, but I continue to mouth-breathe around others for a couple of reasons. First of all, I like to like people. I don't want to be disgusted by their breath. If I can't smell it, I can't be grossed out by it, and then I can base my opinion of someone on the whole being and not just their breath. Secondly, I work at a hospital and my job puts me around people who have never seen a toothbrush in their life (sadly, a lot of them are staff). When talking to anyone at work I would be willing to bet my life savings that their breath smells worse than the diaper bin in a nursery. Rather than risk the situation, I just assume the worst, and breathe through the little crack in my lips. Cynical? Yes. Rude? Maybe. Wrong? No.

Update

To my faithful followers,

It is hard for me to post as regularly as I would like to, because, while I have a lot of OCD tendencies, not all of them can be spun into a witty blog gem. My team of writers and I are working tirelessly to come up with more ways to be able to post on a more regular basis.

Thank you. That is all.

Tubs of Butter

As far back as I can remember I have had this obsession with my butter, or rather my butter substitute. I don't particularly care for the taste of real butter, but I have become quite fond of butter substitutes, particularly Brummel and Brown. One of the things I like about the stand-ins is that they come in a neat little container. No messy stick to melt all over a butter dish and smear all over the place...but that's not my obsession. I just wanted to set the stage and explain my reasoning for liking my spreads in a neat little Tupperware-like tub.

My obsession stems from my desire to keep things neat and uniform. When I knife my fake butter out of my dish, I like to sweep the knife across the top of the spread to keep the top as smooth as possible. This way, one thin layer at a time is removed from the top, and the spread is always flat, smooth, and still appetizing, like it is new and has never even been used.

What irks me to no end is when this beautiful, smooth, uniform mold is desecrated and hacked to bits by some uncaring, unaware being, who has no respect for the brilliance of a systematic butter scraping technique. They plunge their knife into the container willy nilly, gouging the butter mold into a hacked-up, crater-filled mess, like this...

I know this is extreme, and because I am so particular about things like this, I tend to keep two of things like this in the house...one for me and one for anyone else who wants to use it. This way I can keep my OCD quirks and not impose them on others, and others can hack their butter to hell.

Ketchup Bottles

Remember the old school ketchup bottles that used to be in every restaurant (and are still in some)? They're the ones that can be hard to get the ketchup out of, if you don't know exactly how to tilt the bottle. The ones that occasionally let nasty ketchup water out on your burger and fries. The ones that give a great smacking sound when you hit the bottom. I miss those ketchup bottles. Those ones are the best ones. Classic and unmistakable.

Remember when America got lazy and decided it was too much work to shake the bottle to eliminate the water on the top and then get the ketchup out? I don't know exactly when it happened (a few years back?) but most major ketchup brands switched to the lazy upside-down bottle, like this one...

The benefit of the new bottle is supposed to be easy squeezing and no ketchup water. Since the cap is actually on the bottom, the water floats to the top, away from the cap, which means no red water on your fries. Or at least that is the idea. Back in my day we just shook the bottle, and got great ketchup every time. But whatever, that's not the point. I am all for ease and simplicity. If something can be made easier, go for it. The thing I hate is that every time I see this type of bottle, it's not being used the way it was designed to be used, and as a result, all benefit it supposedly has, is eliminated. Every time I see those bottles, they are like this...

We are such creatures of habit that we place the top facing upwards because that is what seems right. Then, we get ketchup water when we go to use it. (I say we, meaning the human race, but I do not do this). If I wanted ketchup water, I would just go back to the old bottles and then I would know that the bottle needed to be shaken before I used it. It seriously irritates me to see this in restaurants and refrigerators. Would you put a jar of mayo upside-down after you're finished with it? Look, the cap is made wide enough to balance the bottle and the logo is made to be right-side-up when the cap is on the bottom, it really isn't that complicated. Just flip it over and we can all be happy.

Washing My Car

I hate having my car washed. Not because I don't like to have a clean car (believe me, nothing makes me happier). Not because the car wash does a bad job. As in everything I hate, I hate having my car washed because it creates a good 1-2 weeks of stress for me.

First of all, after I get the car washed, I can't roll the windows down for the rest of the day. If the windows get rolled down, the window streaks, and the car wash is wasted. Have you ever gotten in a sealed car on a ninety degree summer day? Let me tell you it's hot and the air conditioning does not cool down all that quickly. On the way home from the car wash (and for about a week to follow) I drive very cautiously and carefully, because I don't want water from the gutter to get splashed behind my tires and onto my freshly cleaned car.

That is just the beginning. Obviously we don't live in a bubble. Wind blows, and cars drive by, both of which sprinkle dirt and dust all over my car. If it's the time of year when it's really dry, I will occasionally dust my car with a dry rag to keep the dirt off. If I keep the dirt off, then the moisture and the dew from the night just drips down and evaporates, and leaves my car virtually unscathed by the elements. If I don't keep the dirt off, then the morning dew mixes with the dust on the car and creates a filthy mess.

As if there needs to be more, I keep an old bath towel in the trunk so I can wipe off the morning dew and keep it from streaking over car and the windows. It doesn't have to be perfect, just to get a bulk of the moisture off so the rest can evaporate, and keep the car clean. I also keep a squeegee in my trunk to get the windows crisp and clear. Anytime I dry my car I squeegee it too. And finally, if I have the time and it needs to be done, I'll get the Windex and clean the windows the old fashion way.

So for me, cleaning my car is a 2 week process that requires a lot of extra time and energy, so much so that it's almost not worth it.

Creating a Monster, Part 1

I'm pretty sure I have been the way I am since I was a baby, but there have been things along the way that have shaped me, and enhanced my OCD personality.

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Back in seventh grade, I was walking from my classroom to the boys bathroom during a recess. While in the process of making my way to the bathroom, I walked through a circle of boys in my class talking to each other. Apparently one of my classmates was really excited about the story he was telling, because in the process of cutting through the circle, I caught an errant drop of spit in my mouth like a catcher spearing a fastball. Now this alone is disgusting, but what really sends shivers down my spine is that I could taste the Sour Cream and Onion Lays Potato Chips the person was eating during break. In any other situation, I would have gladly eaten a sour cream and onion chip, but having it birdied into my mouth, against my will, makes me nauseous to this day. Needless to say, I ran into the bathroom and spit and spit and spit, and rinsed out my mouth with water, and gargled and spit some more. Totally revolting.

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To make matters worse, in that moment seventh grade me flashed back to fifth grade me and the day I spent at this person's house. I was new at school and he invited me over for a Saturday afternoon of fun. Having no friends, I obviously accepted his invitation, only to regret it later. While at his house, we were jumping on a trampoline in his room and I jumped off and fell to the ground. At that moment my face was inches away from his skidmarked briefs, and I was mortified to no end. I immediately jumped up and pretended like it didn't happen. There would be no more trampoline jumping at this house.

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Anyway, when I caught his sour cream and onion spit in my mouth, I flashed back to Skidmark Saturday and was overcome with disgust. It is obvious that if wiping one's butt is not a priority, then brushing one's teeth is probably not high up there either. This is all I could think about as I rinsed my mouth out in the boy's bathroom.

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I don't think this situation changed me from a slob to an obsessive compulsive machine, but it definitely solidified the importance of cleanliness, and now I hold hygiene of all types is extremely high regard.

My DVR

The invention of the Digital Video Recorder (or DVR) rocked my world. I love to watch Television, but I also love to go to bed early (10pm at the latest). From time to time, these two passions interfere with one another, and the planner in me opts for the early bedtime. At this point, the DVR swoops in to save the day. Although the DVR has made it quicker and easier to watch TV, it has also brought with it increased anxiety. Let me explain...
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The DVR added one more thing in my life that I had to organize and manage on a regular basis. I set all the TV shows I want to record even if I know I will be home to watch it. This way, if I am out, I don't have to scramble home just for a TV show. This is rarely a problem as my increased agoraphobia (also undiagnosed) as well as my enjoyment of a good night sleep, has made me a bit of a homebody. Nonetheless, I record everything I am watching, or plan on watching in the future. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

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If I am home watching the show, and I don't need it to be recording for any reason, I have to stop the recording and delete off my DVR list as soon as possible. For some reason, I can't stand to have the show recording if I am watching it live. For me, the "My Recordings" list is like my room, everything has its place and there is no room for clutter. Clutter, in DVR terms, is anything I have already watched.

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Due to the fact that I hate to have excess recordings on my list, I also have the system group similar recording so that anything with the same title is organized into a folder. This is also a rare occasion as too many items in a folder makes me anxious and I have to delete some of them.

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The DVR is set up to list recordings in Alpha/Numeric order. In any other situation this would be great as alphabetical order is generally a nice, clear-cut way to organize things. But I like my DVR list to put things in chronological order so I can start at the bottom (oldest recording) and work my way up to the top (most recent). This way I can easily watch the oldest recording before a new episode airs.

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Technology makes things so much easier but so much more complicated too.

My Toothbrush

I don't really consider myself to be a germaphobe. I wont run away when you sneeze. I will shake hands with a stranger. I'll even eat a Cheeto off the floor. There are, however, certain things that I just can't get over, and it is because of these things, that I often get accused of being one. My toothbrush, for example, is one of the things I am pretty particular about.

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To me, the toothbrush is a sacred instrument. Without it we would be unable to clean our mouths, prevent tooth decay, or (God forbid) scrub our tongues. Because I consider my toothbrush to be such a prized possession, I take care of it accordingly. My toothbrush is safely nestled away in my bathroom medicine cabinet, locked away in travel case, safe from harm and awaiting my two (sometimes three) glorious visits a day.

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Now most people have their toothbrush sitting right next to their sink, in a ready to use position, next to someone else's toothbrush, in a convenient holder. But what those people fail to realize, is that their toothbrush is in serious danger. What else happens in the bathroom? Peeing, of course, but that's not the issue (unless your toothbrush is in the splash zone). The issue is the other bodily function that everyone has to do. Think about this...if your toothbrush is exposed in the bathroom, and you use the bathroom for anything besides teeth brushing and primping, it HAS to have poo particles on it. Then, you come in at night to brush your teeth, and repeatedly mash those poo particles into your teeth, gums, and tongue in an effort to make your mouth cleaner. Does that make sense to you? 'Cause it doesn't make sense to me. I think you get the idea with this one.

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Besides your significant other, the thought of using someone else's toothbrush is repulsive. I would rather use the toothpaste-on-the-finger trick than use someone else's toothbrush. Hell, I would rather Neanderthal it and chew on a stick than use someone else's toothbrush. Anyway, it is that same thought that makes me now put my toothbrush in a travel case, alone in the medicine cabinet. I've had roommates before, and sometimes I would see the heads of our toothbrushes touching. To me, that is like kissing that person, or using that person's toothbrush. No thank you.

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As an aside, the ADA says not to store your toothbrush in a enclosed space, but until they smell what I smell after walking into a bathroom one of my family members has been in, their recommendations will fall on deaf ears.

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(Advice: It is recommended to replace your toothbrush every three to four months and/or after an illness.)

Radio Presets

I don't think that this is one of my weirder idiosyncrasies, but a five minute spat in the car with my girlfriend has opened my eyes to the fact that it may be a tad strange. The conversation went something like this:

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Me: (Tinkering with radio presets)
Girlfriend: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "Just rearranging things. Don't worry."
Girlfriend: "No! Stop, stop, stop!"
Me: "Calm down, it's no big deal."
Girlfriend: "Yes it is! Now I don't know which station is which!"
Me: "Yes you do. Now they go from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. Now it's easier to tell."
Girlfriend: "Not when I am driving and am used to pushing a certain number for a certain station."
Me: "Fine then. If it's that big a deal I'll just put them back."
Girlfriend: "No, don't. This way is much better and you are so smart and handsome. I love you so much. I am sorry I ever doubted you."

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:-)

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Anyway, to me it is common sense that the radio presets need (yes, need) to be in numerical order from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. But, as I recently learned, not everyone thinks this way. What usually happens is that a person hears a station they like, they push one of the radio presets, and set it for easy return. Then when they are on a different station, whether it be higher or lower than the previous one, they set that station on the next present, and so on and so forth. After all of one's favorite stations are set, you are left with a jumbled mess of disorganized crap, that passengers cannot decipher, even if they tried.

What is the benefit of/reasoning behind having the presets in a random order? Nothing. It happens over time, unbeknownst to the radio preset setter until it is too late. Then, all the preset numbers become comfortable, and never change.

Everyone knows their top six radio stations, and can easily recall them from memory if all their presets were to be erased. That being said, next time you are at a red light, make your life easier and put your presets in numerical order. After a couple of days with the logic system of radio presets, the new presets will be just as easy to recall as the previous ones. Your passengers will appreciate it and thank you for it. (Or not even notice).

Hats

During this time of year, with the MLB, NFL, NHL, College Football, (and soon the NBA) in season, there are loads of people walking around wearing hats with team logos on them. As a sports fan, this is one of my favorite times of the year, but as an OCD man with a freakish set of self-imposed rules for myself and others, this time of year drives me up a wall.

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Everywhere I go, I encounter people wearing hats with all types of team logos on them. To these people I will offer one pearl of wisdom. If you are not a fan of a specific team, don't wear a hat with that team's logo on it and masquerade as one. I realize there are some times when you just need to cover your head and you grab the first hat you see, but if you are going to rep a team, you better be prepared to carry on at least a superficial conversation with regards to that team. Otherwise, you look like a complete douche.

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I'm a pretty gregarious person, and on more than one occasion, I have commented on a person's hat only to get a puzzled look and a "Huh? Oh, I don't actually follow the team" in return. WTF? Really? Why the hell are you wearing that hat then? Why is that okay? I'm not asking for a deep conversation on the team. I don't need to know the ERA of the team's ace, or how many yards the team's QB passed for that week. Maybe just a "Yeah, so and so is really tearin' it up" or "Yeah, they have a tough test next week against blank."

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Plain hats exist. You can buy a hat in any color sans logo, and we will not have a problem. I blame stores like Lids for transforming team pride into a fashion statement. I long for the day when people only wear a team's logo if they are a fan of that team. Until that day comes, I can bank on getting more grey hairs and slowly taking years off my life by obsessing over things other people don't care about.

Clapping

Whether you have noticed or not, I sometimes use my posts to rant about things that have become "my things,"...the stuff I obsess about for one reason or another.

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Let me set the scene for you...you are sitting in a movie theatre, enjoying a great film, eating delicious popcorn, and slurping a tasty beverage. Then the movie ends, and you get up to leave...and everyone claps? You're puzzled, but you start clapping too. Everyone else is doing it, you might as well, right? NO! Don't clap in a movie! There is no one there to receive your adulation. No live actors. No singers. No dancers. The director isn't there. No one who had anything to do with the movie is sitting next to you in your local AMC movie theatre. Why are you clapping!

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Don't tell me that people clap just because they liked the movie. Do you clap in the middle of a restaurant after you eat something that tastes good? No, you pay a compliment to the chef. Do you clap at the doctor's office or the dentist after receiving good service? No, you thank them appropriately. I apologize if you do this, but someone please explain to me the reasoning behind clapping in a movie theatre? You clap after a play because it's a live performance. You clap at the circus and at concerts. You can clap basically anywhere there is a human being there to receive the applause. I'll even let you clap at a movie premiere, just as long as someone who had something to do with the movie is there.

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I propose that if you want to show that you liked a movie, you can either spread the word and tell other people that they should go see it (that's really what the people involved want you to do) or go to the actor/director's website and send them a letter or something. Anyway, I know I will never stop people from clapping after a movie, but if we ever see a movie together, and I don't clap, it doesn't mean that I don't like the movie, it just means I don't see the value of clapping at a projector screen in the dark.

Phones Are Dirty

This has been my thing for a while, but very few people I have encountered even notice this, and therefore they do nothing about it.

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The evolution of the cell phone from no screen, to all screen, has left me with increased anxiety over the disgustingness of the phone. You can take a normal person, with a normal amount of oil on their face, and after talking on it, the face of their phone will be gross and caked on with oil and body ash. More often than not, when I see someone using their phone, it has face oil on it, and the person doesn't think twice about sticking it right on their face and in their ear. Needless to say, if I am going to use someone else's phone, I wipe it thoroughly before it gets anywhere near my face or ear. I'm pretty sure I can't catch anything from my ear hole, but that is not a risk I am willing to take. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm immune to this vile side effect, but after I finish with my phone call, I wipe the phone on my shirt to remove all finger prints, face oil, and skin flakes from the phone before I put it back in my pocket.

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Cell phones aren't the only culprit of these crimes of disgust. Landlines can be pretty gross too...if not worse. Landlines can be worse because they have the length to get close to the mouth of the person talking as well as their ear. So not only do you get the oil from the ear and hair, but sometimes you get mouth stank too. Believe it or not, I have talked on a communal phone that actually smelled like the bad breath of the person who was previously talking on the phone. It made me gag. I realize this is not a flaw of the phone so much as the completely atrocious bad breath of my coworker, but seeing as it was an unavoidable situation (brushing of teeth aside) I have to blame the phone. Sorry phone.

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Anyway, since phones are a necessary part of my work life, I just keep myself aware of my surroundings and wipe the phone on my shirt if needed, even if that means the person on the other end has to wait.

Clocks

I was clocking out at work today (no salary here, folks) and since my work recently moved the time clocks of the two different companies working in the building, right next to each other, I was reminded of another pet peeve I have that stems from my OCD personality.

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If something tells time, and is in the general vicinity of something else that tells time, those two (or more) things should be synchronized!

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The clocks at work are literally six inches from each other and a whole two minutes apart. Since they just moved one of them closer to the other, and they had to unplug and reprogram it anyway, why not make it so they show the same time? Also, the Cisco phone and the computer at my desk are right next to each other, yet their times are off as well. But since the company I work for thinks I'm MR, I am not allowed to adjust my computer or phone settings to change the time...so I suffer in silence.

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My work is not the only place where this has happened. Often times, the times on microwaves and ovens are off, but they are right next to each other too. It happens all over the place, keep you eyes open for it, and you will see it over and over again.

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Now I'm not saying it has to be perfectly synchronized, within 5-10 seconds is acceptable, just not to the point where you get two completely different times depending on which direction you are facing in your kitchen, or which company you work for in the building.

My Wallet

When I was a child, my grandmother was putting money back in her wallet, and she told me that the bills should always be in value order from the front of the wallet to the back of the wallet. I didn't know any better, but this turned out to be the ONLY way to put money in a wallet.

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I don't think she meant for me to take it as far as I do, but obviously I have come to adore this method for storing money. I put my singles in the front, then fives, tens, and twenties. Now in men's wallets there is often a divider in the wallet (for whatever reason) and I like to use that to separate the twenties from the larger bills (when I have them.) Fifties and hundsvilles go behind the separator. This is obviously to make sure I don't accidentally spend one in place of a twenty. (I am way to diligent for that to ever happen, but it's better to be safe than sorry, right?)

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As if this wasn't organized enough, I have to flatten out the edges of my bills so that they are perfect rectangles, and then the order of the bills of each individual denomination is determined by the crispness of the bill. The really wrinkly ones are in the front (to be used first) and the better, crispier ones are in the back. So at any one time, I will have the worst of the singles in the front of all the singles, then the worst of the fives in front of all the fives, and so on and so forth. If this isn't organized enough for you, I make it so the colored bills (the new ones that look like play money) are always in the back of their respective denominations regardless of the crispy factor. If I have more than one of the colored bills, we revert back to the crisp factor to determine placement. Think of the colored ones as a separate denomination in and of themselves, worth a tad more than their face value.

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So to recap, bills go from least to most, wrinkliest to crispiest, least colorful to most colorful, and all of that within their denominations as well. Sounds like a lot of thinking, but it's second nature to me at this point. Thanks grandma!

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As an aside, I can't stand it when people stuff their money in their pockets or in their wallet, all folded and wrinkled up. How can you keep track of it? How do you know if it's all there? I guarantee that when you find money on the ground when you are out in public it is one of those people who dropped it. They went into their pocket for some keys or a piece of gum, and the wadded up, sweaty twenty accidentally plopped out in the process. Then, observant OCDers like myself, see it, unwrinkle it, and put it in the appropriate spot in our neatly organized wallets...twenty dollars richer.