Creating a Monster, Part 1

I'm pretty sure I have been the way I am since I was a baby, but there have been things along the way that have shaped me, and enhanced my OCD personality.

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Back in seventh grade, I was walking from my classroom to the boys bathroom during a recess. While in the process of making my way to the bathroom, I walked through a circle of boys in my class talking to each other. Apparently one of my classmates was really excited about the story he was telling, because in the process of cutting through the circle, I caught an errant drop of spit in my mouth like a catcher spearing a fastball. Now this alone is disgusting, but what really sends shivers down my spine is that I could taste the Sour Cream and Onion Lays Potato Chips the person was eating during break. In any other situation, I would have gladly eaten a sour cream and onion chip, but having it birdied into my mouth, against my will, makes me nauseous to this day. Needless to say, I ran into the bathroom and spit and spit and spit, and rinsed out my mouth with water, and gargled and spit some more. Totally revolting.

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To make matters worse, in that moment seventh grade me flashed back to fifth grade me and the day I spent at this person's house. I was new at school and he invited me over for a Saturday afternoon of fun. Having no friends, I obviously accepted his invitation, only to regret it later. While at his house, we were jumping on a trampoline in his room and I jumped off and fell to the ground. At that moment my face was inches away from his skidmarked briefs, and I was mortified to no end. I immediately jumped up and pretended like it didn't happen. There would be no more trampoline jumping at this house.

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Anyway, when I caught his sour cream and onion spit in my mouth, I flashed back to Skidmark Saturday and was overcome with disgust. It is obvious that if wiping one's butt is not a priority, then brushing one's teeth is probably not high up there either. This is all I could think about as I rinsed my mouth out in the boy's bathroom.

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I don't think this situation changed me from a slob to an obsessive compulsive machine, but it definitely solidified the importance of cleanliness, and now I hold hygiene of all types is extremely high regard.

My DVR

The invention of the Digital Video Recorder (or DVR) rocked my world. I love to watch Television, but I also love to go to bed early (10pm at the latest). From time to time, these two passions interfere with one another, and the planner in me opts for the early bedtime. At this point, the DVR swoops in to save the day. Although the DVR has made it quicker and easier to watch TV, it has also brought with it increased anxiety. Let me explain...
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The DVR added one more thing in my life that I had to organize and manage on a regular basis. I set all the TV shows I want to record even if I know I will be home to watch it. This way, if I am out, I don't have to scramble home just for a TV show. This is rarely a problem as my increased agoraphobia (also undiagnosed) as well as my enjoyment of a good night sleep, has made me a bit of a homebody. Nonetheless, I record everything I am watching, or plan on watching in the future. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

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If I am home watching the show, and I don't need it to be recording for any reason, I have to stop the recording and delete off my DVR list as soon as possible. For some reason, I can't stand to have the show recording if I am watching it live. For me, the "My Recordings" list is like my room, everything has its place and there is no room for clutter. Clutter, in DVR terms, is anything I have already watched.

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Due to the fact that I hate to have excess recordings on my list, I also have the system group similar recording so that anything with the same title is organized into a folder. This is also a rare occasion as too many items in a folder makes me anxious and I have to delete some of them.

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The DVR is set up to list recordings in Alpha/Numeric order. In any other situation this would be great as alphabetical order is generally a nice, clear-cut way to organize things. But I like my DVR list to put things in chronological order so I can start at the bottom (oldest recording) and work my way up to the top (most recent). This way I can easily watch the oldest recording before a new episode airs.

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Technology makes things so much easier but so much more complicated too.

My Toothbrush

I don't really consider myself to be a germaphobe. I wont run away when you sneeze. I will shake hands with a stranger. I'll even eat a Cheeto off the floor. There are, however, certain things that I just can't get over, and it is because of these things, that I often get accused of being one. My toothbrush, for example, is one of the things I am pretty particular about.

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To me, the toothbrush is a sacred instrument. Without it we would be unable to clean our mouths, prevent tooth decay, or (God forbid) scrub our tongues. Because I consider my toothbrush to be such a prized possession, I take care of it accordingly. My toothbrush is safely nestled away in my bathroom medicine cabinet, locked away in travel case, safe from harm and awaiting my two (sometimes three) glorious visits a day.

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Now most people have their toothbrush sitting right next to their sink, in a ready to use position, next to someone else's toothbrush, in a convenient holder. But what those people fail to realize, is that their toothbrush is in serious danger. What else happens in the bathroom? Peeing, of course, but that's not the issue (unless your toothbrush is in the splash zone). The issue is the other bodily function that everyone has to do. Think about this...if your toothbrush is exposed in the bathroom, and you use the bathroom for anything besides teeth brushing and primping, it HAS to have poo particles on it. Then, you come in at night to brush your teeth, and repeatedly mash those poo particles into your teeth, gums, and tongue in an effort to make your mouth cleaner. Does that make sense to you? 'Cause it doesn't make sense to me. I think you get the idea with this one.

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Besides your significant other, the thought of using someone else's toothbrush is repulsive. I would rather use the toothpaste-on-the-finger trick than use someone else's toothbrush. Hell, I would rather Neanderthal it and chew on a stick than use someone else's toothbrush. Anyway, it is that same thought that makes me now put my toothbrush in a travel case, alone in the medicine cabinet. I've had roommates before, and sometimes I would see the heads of our toothbrushes touching. To me, that is like kissing that person, or using that person's toothbrush. No thank you.

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As an aside, the ADA says not to store your toothbrush in a enclosed space, but until they smell what I smell after walking into a bathroom one of my family members has been in, their recommendations will fall on deaf ears.

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(Advice: It is recommended to replace your toothbrush every three to four months and/or after an illness.)

Radio Presets

I don't think that this is one of my weirder idiosyncrasies, but a five minute spat in the car with my girlfriend has opened my eyes to the fact that it may be a tad strange. The conversation went something like this:

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Me: (Tinkering with radio presets)
Girlfriend: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "Just rearranging things. Don't worry."
Girlfriend: "No! Stop, stop, stop!"
Me: "Calm down, it's no big deal."
Girlfriend: "Yes it is! Now I don't know which station is which!"
Me: "Yes you do. Now they go from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. Now it's easier to tell."
Girlfriend: "Not when I am driving and am used to pushing a certain number for a certain station."
Me: "Fine then. If it's that big a deal I'll just put them back."
Girlfriend: "No, don't. This way is much better and you are so smart and handsome. I love you so much. I am sorry I ever doubted you."

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:-)

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Anyway, to me it is common sense that the radio presets need (yes, need) to be in numerical order from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. But, as I recently learned, not everyone thinks this way. What usually happens is that a person hears a station they like, they push one of the radio presets, and set it for easy return. Then when they are on a different station, whether it be higher or lower than the previous one, they set that station on the next present, and so on and so forth. After all of one's favorite stations are set, you are left with a jumbled mess of disorganized crap, that passengers cannot decipher, even if they tried.

What is the benefit of/reasoning behind having the presets in a random order? Nothing. It happens over time, unbeknownst to the radio preset setter until it is too late. Then, all the preset numbers become comfortable, and never change.

Everyone knows their top six radio stations, and can easily recall them from memory if all their presets were to be erased. That being said, next time you are at a red light, make your life easier and put your presets in numerical order. After a couple of days with the logic system of radio presets, the new presets will be just as easy to recall as the previous ones. Your passengers will appreciate it and thank you for it. (Or not even notice).

Hats

During this time of year, with the MLB, NFL, NHL, College Football, (and soon the NBA) in season, there are loads of people walking around wearing hats with team logos on them. As a sports fan, this is one of my favorite times of the year, but as an OCD man with a freakish set of self-imposed rules for myself and others, this time of year drives me up a wall.

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Everywhere I go, I encounter people wearing hats with all types of team logos on them. To these people I will offer one pearl of wisdom. If you are not a fan of a specific team, don't wear a hat with that team's logo on it and masquerade as one. I realize there are some times when you just need to cover your head and you grab the first hat you see, but if you are going to rep a team, you better be prepared to carry on at least a superficial conversation with regards to that team. Otherwise, you look like a complete douche.

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I'm a pretty gregarious person, and on more than one occasion, I have commented on a person's hat only to get a puzzled look and a "Huh? Oh, I don't actually follow the team" in return. WTF? Really? Why the hell are you wearing that hat then? Why is that okay? I'm not asking for a deep conversation on the team. I don't need to know the ERA of the team's ace, or how many yards the team's QB passed for that week. Maybe just a "Yeah, so and so is really tearin' it up" or "Yeah, they have a tough test next week against blank."

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Plain hats exist. You can buy a hat in any color sans logo, and we will not have a problem. I blame stores like Lids for transforming team pride into a fashion statement. I long for the day when people only wear a team's logo if they are a fan of that team. Until that day comes, I can bank on getting more grey hairs and slowly taking years off my life by obsessing over things other people don't care about.

Clapping

Whether you have noticed or not, I sometimes use my posts to rant about things that have become "my things,"...the stuff I obsess about for one reason or another.

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Let me set the scene for you...you are sitting in a movie theatre, enjoying a great film, eating delicious popcorn, and slurping a tasty beverage. Then the movie ends, and you get up to leave...and everyone claps? You're puzzled, but you start clapping too. Everyone else is doing it, you might as well, right? NO! Don't clap in a movie! There is no one there to receive your adulation. No live actors. No singers. No dancers. The director isn't there. No one who had anything to do with the movie is sitting next to you in your local AMC movie theatre. Why are you clapping!

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Don't tell me that people clap just because they liked the movie. Do you clap in the middle of a restaurant after you eat something that tastes good? No, you pay a compliment to the chef. Do you clap at the doctor's office or the dentist after receiving good service? No, you thank them appropriately. I apologize if you do this, but someone please explain to me the reasoning behind clapping in a movie theatre? You clap after a play because it's a live performance. You clap at the circus and at concerts. You can clap basically anywhere there is a human being there to receive the applause. I'll even let you clap at a movie premiere, just as long as someone who had something to do with the movie is there.

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I propose that if you want to show that you liked a movie, you can either spread the word and tell other people that they should go see it (that's really what the people involved want you to do) or go to the actor/director's website and send them a letter or something. Anyway, I know I will never stop people from clapping after a movie, but if we ever see a movie together, and I don't clap, it doesn't mean that I don't like the movie, it just means I don't see the value of clapping at a projector screen in the dark.