Radio Presets

I don't think that this is one of my weirder idiosyncrasies, but a five minute spat in the car with my girlfriend has opened my eyes to the fact that it may be a tad strange. The conversation went something like this:

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Me: (Tinkering with radio presets)
Girlfriend: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "Just rearranging things. Don't worry."
Girlfriend: "No! Stop, stop, stop!"
Me: "Calm down, it's no big deal."
Girlfriend: "Yes it is! Now I don't know which station is which!"
Me: "Yes you do. Now they go from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. Now it's easier to tell."
Girlfriend: "Not when I am driving and am used to pushing a certain number for a certain station."
Me: "Fine then. If it's that big a deal I'll just put them back."
Girlfriend: "No, don't. This way is much better and you are so smart and handsome. I love you so much. I am sorry I ever doubted you."

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:-)

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Anyway, to me it is common sense that the radio presets need (yes, need) to be in numerical order from smallest numbered station to largest numbered station. But, as I recently learned, not everyone thinks this way. What usually happens is that a person hears a station they like, they push one of the radio presets, and set it for easy return. Then when they are on a different station, whether it be higher or lower than the previous one, they set that station on the next present, and so on and so forth. After all of one's favorite stations are set, you are left with a jumbled mess of disorganized crap, that passengers cannot decipher, even if they tried.

What is the benefit of/reasoning behind having the presets in a random order? Nothing. It happens over time, unbeknownst to the radio preset setter until it is too late. Then, all the preset numbers become comfortable, and never change.

Everyone knows their top six radio stations, and can easily recall them from memory if all their presets were to be erased. That being said, next time you are at a red light, make your life easier and put your presets in numerical order. After a couple of days with the logic system of radio presets, the new presets will be just as easy to recall as the previous ones. Your passengers will appreciate it and thank you for it. (Or not even notice).

Hats

During this time of year, with the MLB, NFL, NHL, College Football, (and soon the NBA) in season, there are loads of people walking around wearing hats with team logos on them. As a sports fan, this is one of my favorite times of the year, but as an OCD man with a freakish set of self-imposed rules for myself and others, this time of year drives me up a wall.

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Everywhere I go, I encounter people wearing hats with all types of team logos on them. To these people I will offer one pearl of wisdom. If you are not a fan of a specific team, don't wear a hat with that team's logo on it and masquerade as one. I realize there are some times when you just need to cover your head and you grab the first hat you see, but if you are going to rep a team, you better be prepared to carry on at least a superficial conversation with regards to that team. Otherwise, you look like a complete douche.

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I'm a pretty gregarious person, and on more than one occasion, I have commented on a person's hat only to get a puzzled look and a "Huh? Oh, I don't actually follow the team" in return. WTF? Really? Why the hell are you wearing that hat then? Why is that okay? I'm not asking for a deep conversation on the team. I don't need to know the ERA of the team's ace, or how many yards the team's QB passed for that week. Maybe just a "Yeah, so and so is really tearin' it up" or "Yeah, they have a tough test next week against blank."

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Plain hats exist. You can buy a hat in any color sans logo, and we will not have a problem. I blame stores like Lids for transforming team pride into a fashion statement. I long for the day when people only wear a team's logo if they are a fan of that team. Until that day comes, I can bank on getting more grey hairs and slowly taking years off my life by obsessing over things other people don't care about.

Clapping

Whether you have noticed or not, I sometimes use my posts to rant about things that have become "my things,"...the stuff I obsess about for one reason or another.

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Let me set the scene for you...you are sitting in a movie theatre, enjoying a great film, eating delicious popcorn, and slurping a tasty beverage. Then the movie ends, and you get up to leave...and everyone claps? You're puzzled, but you start clapping too. Everyone else is doing it, you might as well, right? NO! Don't clap in a movie! There is no one there to receive your adulation. No live actors. No singers. No dancers. The director isn't there. No one who had anything to do with the movie is sitting next to you in your local AMC movie theatre. Why are you clapping!

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Don't tell me that people clap just because they liked the movie. Do you clap in the middle of a restaurant after you eat something that tastes good? No, you pay a compliment to the chef. Do you clap at the doctor's office or the dentist after receiving good service? No, you thank them appropriately. I apologize if you do this, but someone please explain to me the reasoning behind clapping in a movie theatre? You clap after a play because it's a live performance. You clap at the circus and at concerts. You can clap basically anywhere there is a human being there to receive the applause. I'll even let you clap at a movie premiere, just as long as someone who had something to do with the movie is there.

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I propose that if you want to show that you liked a movie, you can either spread the word and tell other people that they should go see it (that's really what the people involved want you to do) or go to the actor/director's website and send them a letter or something. Anyway, I know I will never stop people from clapping after a movie, but if we ever see a movie together, and I don't clap, it doesn't mean that I don't like the movie, it just means I don't see the value of clapping at a projector screen in the dark.

Phones Are Dirty

This has been my thing for a while, but very few people I have encountered even notice this, and therefore they do nothing about it.

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The evolution of the cell phone from no screen, to all screen, has left me with increased anxiety over the disgustingness of the phone. You can take a normal person, with a normal amount of oil on their face, and after talking on it, the face of their phone will be gross and caked on with oil and body ash. More often than not, when I see someone using their phone, it has face oil on it, and the person doesn't think twice about sticking it right on their face and in their ear. Needless to say, if I am going to use someone else's phone, I wipe it thoroughly before it gets anywhere near my face or ear. I'm pretty sure I can't catch anything from my ear hole, but that is not a risk I am willing to take. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm immune to this vile side effect, but after I finish with my phone call, I wipe the phone on my shirt to remove all finger prints, face oil, and skin flakes from the phone before I put it back in my pocket.

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Cell phones aren't the only culprit of these crimes of disgust. Landlines can be pretty gross too...if not worse. Landlines can be worse because they have the length to get close to the mouth of the person talking as well as their ear. So not only do you get the oil from the ear and hair, but sometimes you get mouth stank too. Believe it or not, I have talked on a communal phone that actually smelled like the bad breath of the person who was previously talking on the phone. It made me gag. I realize this is not a flaw of the phone so much as the completely atrocious bad breath of my coworker, but seeing as it was an unavoidable situation (brushing of teeth aside) I have to blame the phone. Sorry phone.

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Anyway, since phones are a necessary part of my work life, I just keep myself aware of my surroundings and wipe the phone on my shirt if needed, even if that means the person on the other end has to wait.

Clocks

I was clocking out at work today (no salary here, folks) and since my work recently moved the time clocks of the two different companies working in the building, right next to each other, I was reminded of another pet peeve I have that stems from my OCD personality.

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If something tells time, and is in the general vicinity of something else that tells time, those two (or more) things should be synchronized!

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The clocks at work are literally six inches from each other and a whole two minutes apart. Since they just moved one of them closer to the other, and they had to unplug and reprogram it anyway, why not make it so they show the same time? Also, the Cisco phone and the computer at my desk are right next to each other, yet their times are off as well. But since the company I work for thinks I'm MR, I am not allowed to adjust my computer or phone settings to change the time...so I suffer in silence.

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My work is not the only place where this has happened. Often times, the times on microwaves and ovens are off, but they are right next to each other too. It happens all over the place, keep you eyes open for it, and you will see it over and over again.

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Now I'm not saying it has to be perfectly synchronized, within 5-10 seconds is acceptable, just not to the point where you get two completely different times depending on which direction you are facing in your kitchen, or which company you work for in the building.

My Wallet

When I was a child, my grandmother was putting money back in her wallet, and she told me that the bills should always be in value order from the front of the wallet to the back of the wallet. I didn't know any better, but this turned out to be the ONLY way to put money in a wallet.

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I don't think she meant for me to take it as far as I do, but obviously I have come to adore this method for storing money. I put my singles in the front, then fives, tens, and twenties. Now in men's wallets there is often a divider in the wallet (for whatever reason) and I like to use that to separate the twenties from the larger bills (when I have them.) Fifties and hundsvilles go behind the separator. This is obviously to make sure I don't accidentally spend one in place of a twenty. (I am way to diligent for that to ever happen, but it's better to be safe than sorry, right?)

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As if this wasn't organized enough, I have to flatten out the edges of my bills so that they are perfect rectangles, and then the order of the bills of each individual denomination is determined by the crispness of the bill. The really wrinkly ones are in the front (to be used first) and the better, crispier ones are in the back. So at any one time, I will have the worst of the singles in the front of all the singles, then the worst of the fives in front of all the fives, and so on and so forth. If this isn't organized enough for you, I make it so the colored bills (the new ones that look like play money) are always in the back of their respective denominations regardless of the crispy factor. If I have more than one of the colored bills, we revert back to the crisp factor to determine placement. Think of the colored ones as a separate denomination in and of themselves, worth a tad more than their face value.

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So to recap, bills go from least to most, wrinkliest to crispiest, least colorful to most colorful, and all of that within their denominations as well. Sounds like a lot of thinking, but it's second nature to me at this point. Thanks grandma!

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As an aside, I can't stand it when people stuff their money in their pockets or in their wallet, all folded and wrinkled up. How can you keep track of it? How do you know if it's all there? I guarantee that when you find money on the ground when you are out in public it is one of those people who dropped it. They went into their pocket for some keys or a piece of gum, and the wadded up, sweaty twenty accidentally plopped out in the process. Then, observant OCDers like myself, see it, unwrinkle it, and put it in the appropriate spot in our neatly organized wallets...twenty dollars richer.

Tipping

I've always been a generous tipper, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my tipping practices are 50% generosity, and 50% Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

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When I go out to eat, I always use credit/debit cards (cash is dirty and leaves no paper trail) so when it comes time to pay and tip, I can tip to the penny. Literally, to the penny. When the bill comes (lets say it's $23.37) I will tip so that the final amount is a round number. Something about having it an odd amount on the receipt doesn't sit well with me. So, for example, on a $23.37 bill, I will tip $6.63, so that the final amount is $30.00. I am satisfied with the nice, round number. The server is satisfied with an over 28% tip. And then, when I check the amount on my credit card statement, I can easily verify that the amount charged was correct.

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Speaking of verifying the amount, one time, and a lame, douche bag-hangout, bar, the final amount charged on my card was $1.00 more than I left as a tip. Obviously I knew this because I always tip an even amount. I disputed the claim with my credit card company (on principle, not on the amount) and $1.00 was credited to my account. If I wasn't so diligent, this shady, already overpriced, shoot-myself-in-the-face-before-I-go-back, bar would have swindled me out of my hard earned money.

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Anyway, if the bill is not an amount that is easily totaled into a round number, I will settle for something like a $32.00, or a $28.00 total. But the cents will always be .00 and whenever possible the final amount will be a denomination of 5 or 10.

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I have thought about the fact that it would be annoying to get something like 63 cents as part of a tip, but most servers get their credit card tips on their paychecks, so that is not even a factor. Not to mention I always round up, so they are getting a better tip than someone else would give them, and because of that, any complaints would fall on deaf ears.